Baby Steps -- by Robin

In case you are yearning for a basement update......we finally had our plumbing inspection done today. Unreal....it took nearly a month to get the guy here. Next up is the town inspection, and then we're good to go....with some minor items yet to be done by the contractor. Everything will be moved back downstairs, and life will resume.

That said, I'm now in the throes of attempting to organize.

I feel like we've moved. Not only do we have to get things in order upstairs since so much was moved up to the main floor for safe-keeping, but we (I) then have to decide what goes where in the basement.

We went to Target this weekend and bought a ton of plastic bins...varying sizes...to store Seth's toys. I am spending this week pouring through the bins of toys we have in the living...and then his bedroom....to create a place for each of them. Of course, in the mix, I'm finding tons of little and big pieces with no obvious home.

I'm not great at just throwing out stuff. It's something I'm working on...not just for Seth, but myself. I can't live well in a state of clutter. I don't know how anyone can. But, it's also not easy to take the bull by the horns and devote the time that is needed to create a sytem in your home. Ultimately you'll be all the better for it, but it's a painstaking process.

And, Marc (my husband) isn't overly up for the task. And, Seth can only do so much. So, it's on my shoulders. And, I must admit, I have moments where I feel resentful. This is not fun. But, then I remind myself that lots of life's projects require major time and effort and are not always a joy, depending on the stage you're in.

In a perfect world, we'd all have the opportunity to focus on our passions, but we do have responsibilities. And, since I've become a mom, I'm all the more conscious of that.

I feel like there is so much that I take care of. My husband has his share too. But, since I'm the one working from home, I'm constantly bouncng back 'n forth from activity to activity.

I was part of a "prayer" call this week that a friend of mine arranged. She was in need of the empowering energy of a group to help her attract more money into her life. Who wouldn't want that?! But, she truly is in need.

So, I participated. Not being sure what this would entail. While the focus was on my friend, it's interesting how you can take away even when you're not the center of attention. We each had a chance to introduce ourselves and then share ideas and thoughts for my friend. Then, the facilitator shared her sentiments, and it hit home for me.

In the midst of all the tasks of life that we have on our plates, as women, we are often hard on ourselves. She emphasized the need to be self forgiving. To cut ourselves some slack as we endeavor to be all things to all people.

And, one of the gals added the importance of making time for self and having fun or just chilling.

I know I can be hard on myself, and it's something I need to work on. And, I could use more belly laughs for sure. And reflexology massages.

While a big part of me wishes I could just snap my fingers and have my house (and basement) in tip top shape, if I focus on what is realistic for me to accomplish today and each day, little by little, step by step, things will get done.

It might feel like baby steps. But, I remember when my son took his first baby steps, and now, in the blink of a eye, as the years have quickly passed, he's itching to play football.

PS -- Check out the MotherhoodLater.com October featured later mom, Marissa Janet Winokur, actress/singer/Luv's spokesperson. A cancer survivor, she and her husband used a surrogate, and she shares her story with us.

PPS -- Thanks to http://awholevillage.com/ for the October giveaway on MotherhoodLater.com. They produce lovely one-of-a-kind custom keepsake books that feature your personal wisdom.

Show I Recommend -- Menopause the Musical

Inspired by a hot flash and a bottle of wine, Menopause The Musical® is playing on Long Island (NY) at Port Washington’s Landmark on Main Street Theatre for a limited engagement now through August 30th. I had the opportunity to take a friend to see it last evening for her birthday, and it was a fun girls night out. In particular, given that she is my long time friend from grade school, it made us all the more aware of the different phases of life we have been through together. Though either of us has yet to hit menopause (I'm in peri), we could relate to the trials 'n tribulations of the gals in the show.

Written by Jeanie Linders, Menopause The Musical® has become an international phenomenon having been seen by nearly 11 million people all over the world (13 countries and 250 cities!) since it debuted in a 76-seat perfume-shop-turned-theatre in Orlando, Florida in 2001.

Billed as “The Hilarious Celebration of Women and The Change®,” the original, off-Broadway musical begins with four women, “Professional Woman,” “Soap Star,” “Iowa Housewife” and “Earth Mother,” at a Bloomingdale’s lingerie sale with nothing in common but a black lace bra - and hot flashes, night sweats, memory loss, chocolate binges, not enough sex, too much sex and day-to-day challenges with aging parents, aging children and aging partners.

They share their ups and downs through a collection of 25 re-lyricized baby boomer songs from the 60's, 70's and 80s. Disco hit “Stayin’ Alive” becomes “Stayin’ Awake,” Motown favorite “My Guy” is transformed into “My Thighs,” "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" switches to "In the Guest Room or on the Sofa, My Husband Sleeps at night,” and “Puff The Magic Dragon” becomes the anthem to exercise, Puff, My God I’m Draggin’”.

“It may not be Shakespeare, but our focus is different. We want to bring women together and empower them. This is an event – a happening,” says Kathi Glist, one of the show’s producers. “It resonates with just about any woman over 40, but it is enjoyed by all. And the younger women laugh just as hard,” she adds. “It’s a party every night!”

“The show has become a point of relating, a celebration of a life passage that launches women into a new exciting phase of their lives,” says Linders. “Most women know intuitively what every other woman is facing with the onset of the menopause. They talk about it with their friends and, on occasion with their spouses. But, when they are in a theatre with hundreds of women, and they’re all shouting ‘That’s Me!’ then they know what they are experiencing is normal. They call it a sisterhood!”

Show times for Menopause The Musical® are Wednesday through Saturdays at 8PM with matinees on Saturday and Sunday at 2PM. Running time is 90 minutes without intermission. All tickets are $45. Purchase tickets online at: www.menopauselongisland.com or by calling: 516-717-3990. Girls Night Out/Groups 10+ Call Group Sales Box Office 1-800-223-7565 or 212-398-8383.

New Year....New You?

How was your new year's eve?

We chilled at home.

I'm been fighting this marathon cold and today, after being convinced by two friends, finally got myself to the ENT doctor. Turns out I need to be on antibiotic for five days. I'm so grateful I bit the bullet and went.

How often as moms do we treat ourselves as invincible? I somehow thought, as lingering as this cold has been, that it would ultimately go away. But, one of my friends reminded me that in a perfect world, that would be true, but sometimes we need a little help.

These words hit home for me.

We all need help at times, and there's nothing wrong with asking for it or even paying for it. Do you allow yourself to ask for it? Whether it's from a mate, friend, family member, stranger...etc.

There's a lot of talk about practicing self care and how important it is. And, I totally agree. But, sometimes self care isn't just about doing for ourselves. Part of that is giving ourselves permission to reach out. Seek out connections that have meaning to us. To hire poeple (if we can afford to) to help simplify our lives.

For example, we can't effectively give ourselves a massage. (I like to treat myself periodically, since I have a bad back.)

Sometimes it's a worthwhile investment to hire a cleaning woman, if your budget allows, and you choose not to spend your time cleaning your home.

I have a friend who cuts her own hair...but I don't go that route. I don't have the ability.

Spending quiet time alone can be wonderful and beneficial, but quality time with a friend (s) means a lot too.

Are you someone who suffers in silence or do you pick up the phone and call someone you can share with?

I am the supreme multi-tasker and that lends itself to burnout.

This year, I'd like to really prioritize how I spend my time and money and decide what is most important to me. What will bring happiness and fulfillment and ideally some monetary reward.

I want to appreciate myself. Honor myself. Try to get my needs met. Seek out happiness and fun more.

I'm good at playing roles, but I want to learn to step back and grant myself more balance.

I'm watching Oprah who is talking about this, and I find her very candid and inspiring. She said the "key is putting yourself back on your own to-do list." I LOVE that.

How about you? Are you on your to-do list?

A Canyon Ranch State of Mind

I am in a Canyon Ranch state of mind, and am fighting hard to stay that way.

I returned late Tuesday night (last week) from Tucson, where I stayed for five nights, sans husband or child. I was invited to speak there re: my books, and I stayed on a bit to vacation. Let me just say (and they're not paying me to endorse them), that Canyon Ranch is a really special experience. I actually found it life-altering on more levels than I anticipated.

Spending some alone time opened up an emotional well for me. Here I was with a rare opportunity to chill solo, and I'm crying on more than one occasion. This visit touched a nerve...a BIG one. I went with the intent on working on some specific things, i.e. weight loss, and trying some new exercise options, and I emerged feeling that I do have the ability to take some control.

I connected with some cool women who made me feel welcome. It was a bit of a challenge for me to be traveling alone, but I didn't have any friends who could accompany me at this time, and my husband isn't a spa fan. Once there, I proved I was able to handle it, and because I was alone, it led me to reach out to others more than I might have, and I'm glad for those I met in the process. I was out of my comfort zone for the better.

I was so grateful to have this time away for introspection.

As moms, we try to do so much, and after awhile, you feel like you're on a treadmill. At Canyon Ranch, I actually got on a treadmill...but by choice. And, that's a whole different feeling, because I was practicing self care.

We need to do that. As tough as it is, we owe it to ourselves as moms, wives, partners, women, sisters, daughters, etc. It won't happen if we don't take care of our own mental state. And, especially as "later" moms, we need to be all the more dilligent re: our health and mental well-being. We want to be there for our children and serve as a positive role model for them in as many ways as possible.

While I recognize not everyone can take a Canyon Ranch break, there are different ways you can incorporate some peace into your daily lifestyle.

I've always been a big fan of meditation and getting quiet (I don't do it enough).

Having lunch with a good friend and really getting to talk and share is wonderful (It's not the same as email).

Taking a walk, looking at the leaves turning colors, etc.

Exercising even if you don't feel like it. (It gets the endorphins going.)

Practicing mindful eating. Notice the texture, etc. of your food, and you'll appreciate it all the more. (I tend to eat quickly so I can move on to the next task.)

Don't watch television before bed. (I'm guilty of this.)

Playing music during the day. (Especialy when you first wake up...to set the mood.)

Do you practice self care, and if so, what advice would you give to other later moms?