Reassurance with Trepidation -- by Robin

A friend of mine raised a question this week that immediately resonated with me.

She is having marital challenges and finds herself feeling the need to reassure her young son that all will ultimately be ok, in the face of her own deep letdown and insecurity. Understandably so, under the circumstances, she is very hurt by a man she had planned to spend her life with and who she relied on to be a strong, constant presence in her son's life. Now, the future seems uncertain, and she's digging deep to find an inner strength powerful enough for two...both her and her son.

Not only do I feel for her, but I "got" it. I truly did.

Totally different set of circumstances, but I, too, found myself as a mom, working hard to offer reassurance to my son despite my own trepidation.

I grew up with parakeets. At one time, we had three in my childhood home. Parry, Polly and Corky. They were green, blue and yellow. I remember them like it was yesterday...especially the story of how my mom valiantly captured Corky at a local supermarket during a shopping trip. He must have flown the coop from his owner's cage in the neighborhood, and my mother and others bird lovers hunted him down, and mom was the victor, bringing him home in a paper bag. I thought it was so heroic.

Ultimately, one by one they passed away, not to be replaced.

When I got married, Marc and I bought a parakeet of our own. We named her Chiffon because she looked like the white and yellow of lemon chiffon pie. Or, perhaps it was meringue? But, Chiffon sounded better.

I adored her, but 5 years ago, she passed away, and my heart was broken.

Seth was very young then, though he swears he remembers and misses her. We do have photos in the house, and I vividly recall how she used to land on the tray of his high chair, as he'd swat at her with delight, and she hopped away from his attempt to grab hold of her.

After years of knowing that no bird would be the same...I used to call her a "little person with feathers..." I decided I had room in my heart for another. I was ready. Seth would have preferred a dog or cat, but since we weren't going to go there, we opted for a larger bird. Something bigger than a parakeet, but not as large or pricey as an Amazon Parrot.

Hence, we are now the proud owners of Smokey the Cockatiel. Or Smokes, as Seth has dubbed him/her. We think it's a girl, but we're not sure. She's 5 months old and is yellow with patches of smokey grey, hence her name.

It was exciting picking her out in the pet store. Quite unnerving bringing her home in a dark cardboard box for a car ride that felt like a lifetime. I kept imagining that the poor thing must have been terrified. Every now 'n then, we heard a small thud in the box. I presumed it was her attempt to break free.

We speedily prepared her cage and let her out of the box into her new home. And, she freaked out. One minute she looked like a frozen deer in headlights. The next she was fluttering about wildly. Afraid she was going to hurt herself, I took her out of the cage. She made a hissing sound and pecked my hand...luckily I'm not afraid of being bitten. But, I felt so badly. What would it take to get her to trust us? And, how long would the process be? Can you imagine how she must feel? One minute she's in a cage with birds like herself and the next she's living in a strange cage all alone with people she doesn't know staring at her and talking to her.

I want her to love us. We already love her.

Seth kept asking me if Smokey was ok? I believed she was, but there was a little girl inside of me who was fearful knowing that I have no experience with a Cockatiel, and questioned what I was thinking getting a larger bird like this? Couldn't I just remain within my comfort zone and stick to another parakeet?

An even louder voice was screaming at me to believe in myself and our ability as a family to care for and endear this bird to us. As the matriarch, I am the one to assure both Seth and my husband that we made the right choice here. That we'll enjoy Smokey, and she'll enjoy us. And, that we will conquer Cockatiel territory, if we do our homework and have patience.

But, it made me realize, that just because someone is a grown-up, doesn't mean they have all the answers. And, as a mom, we have our moments of uncertainty just like anyone. But, to our children, we strive to be the ever present hero, so that if they're not feeling so brave or confident, we instill in them a sense of peace as we endeavor to navigate new ground together. But who makes us feel brave? How can we do that for ourselves? We can't always look to others even if they offer support. As they say, sometimes it's an "inside" job." And, maybe we're stronger than we admit?!

Smokey made me think back to bringing Seth home from the hospital. That was 7 years ago, and I'm no longer that same novice mom. I still have my days of self doubt. I'm sure I always will. But, just as with Seth, I trust that one day I will feel like caring for a Cockatiel is within my comfort zone, or at least relatively speaking.


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Passage of Time -- by Robin

This past weekend was a whirlwind of activity. All good though, so I'm grateful.

My nephew had a Bar Mitzvah. Saturday was the temple service, and Sunday night was the reception. Sunday was also Seth's 7th birthday party...in the afternoon...so we had a very quick, if not somewhat hectic, turnaround from one event to the other. I went from flats to heels, pantyhose, and formal attire almost instantly. While it felt a bit overwhelming, at the end of the day, it turned out to be very special and I look back with fond memories.

What stuck out for me the most was the notion of the passage of time. We had 16 children, including my son, at his party, and a few I hadn't seen in some time. One boy, in particular, I didn't even recognize because he looked so like a big boy now. His hair was slicked back, and he had a maturity in this face (at age 7) that I had yet to see. Even a girl, who Seth has referred to as his girlfriend since kindergarten, looked taller and more mature.

Then we headed over to the Bar Mitzvah, which was quite a swanky shindig. Unlike any other I'd ever attended. Not a beat was missed....everything was offered from an extensive gaming area for the kids to comfy slippers for the female guests upon departure. I would have loved to ditch my heels during the affair and wear them then. Would have come in handy.

A highlight of the affair for me was a slide presentation of the Bar Mitzvah boy's first 13 years of life. He has two brothers. One younger, one older. His maternal grandma recently passed away. And, all were shown. It was so well done. They shared all kinds of moments....some special....some everyday....but all heartfelt, capturing the essence of family and depicting how fast time goes. You see it in the growth of a child from a baby to proud Bar Mitzvah boy.

He did his family and all who witnessed proud. And, if for a moment, it led others, like myself, to pause and take stock of who is in our lives who we love and how we spend time with them, then it's all the more poignant. And, also to value our children at every phase of their lives since youth is indeed precious and fleeting.

Seven -- by Robin

My son turned 7 this week. Time sure flies.

I went to school on his birthday to celebrate with his first grade classmates. It was very sweet. I brought ice cream cups, juice and Oreos. My mother in law came as well, and we read books to the kids. In honor of Seth, we chose two fire truck-theme stories, and he couldn't be happier.

We took photos with other students and the teachers, and I whipped out my new handy Flip camcorder to give it a try.

We hung up decorations at home and went out to dinner, where he ordered a decadent chocolate mousse dessert, and we sung to him as he blew out the candle.

I asked him the day after how it felt to be 7, and he thought about it for a second, and said "good." It made me smile.

This weekend is his birthday party, and we're looking forward to celebrating with friends. While I find party planning a bit stressful...so many details....especially since I was organizing the class visit as well....it's great to have a happy occasion to celebrate.

My last blog related to my ailing senior dad, and his return to the hospital is looming in my mind. So, this was a welcome, positive break. And, he'll be coming to Seth's party Sunday, and hopefully, even if for a short while, he can let go of his constant downbeat health-related thoughts. I was disappointed that he didn't call Seth on his birthday, but I know he's mentally caught up in his health issues, as his stent procedure is this coming Wednesday. He can't get it done fast enough, and I will once again be on edge.

It was actually nicer than I expected to have my mother in law come to Seth's class. She is a hugely judgmental person, and isn't always easy to be around in that regard. My husband and his brother were pleasantly surprised to hear that she read a book to the kids. I told him that I kinda didn't give her a choice. I handed her the book, and said "why don't you read this next book." And, she rose to the occasion, and I actually think she enjoyed the interaction with the children. For a fleeting moment, I found myself picturing her reading to my husband when he was Seth's age, assuming she did that. And, I wondered if it took her back to that place too?! Her son, my husband, will forever be her baby, as will Seth for me, even though he's growing up fast.

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY Seth! We love you high as the sky sweetie!!


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Breaking Point -- by Robin

What a week this has been.

A true sandwich generation experience in every sense of the word....both positive and challenging.....which I guess is the essence of this time in my life.

Don't get me wrong. I am immensely grateful on some levels to be here. I adore my son and love my senior dad. I treasure my time with both of them. And, I fully recognize that moments can be fleeting, so I strive to take it all in. But, at the same time, it can wear one out. Especially a 40 something peri-menopausal mom.

Seth had school break this week, and my 91 year old dad went in for an angiogram. And, I, myself, have this lingering cold and went on antibiotic....since I had a bout with pneumonia back in November.

Other than one scheduled playdate for Seth, we've pretty much been winging our plans each day. I've taken him to the gym with me and discovered that we can have a good time throwing the 4 lb. medicine ball to each other. He's actually quite strong and agile, and I love that he loves to exercise and strive for good health. Yesterday, we spent a record three hours at the gym, and he didn't want to leave. Part of that time was spent with him perched on one of the Nautilus machines he designated as a fire truck, as he proceeded to save me and others at the gym from pretend fires. His imagination never ceases to intrigue me.

Last night for dinner, we baked a surprisingly good homemade pizza from scratch.

And, we've done food shopping and other errands, including putting the finishing touches on his upcoming 7th birthday parties in class and at Progressive Gymnastics East.

While all this was underway this week, my dad stayed overnight at the hospital, and his cardiologist called me while I was at the gym, as I endeavored to stay as calm as I could...when really I was anything but. My dad years ago had triple bypass and at a later date had stents put in. Now it seems that more stents are in order and that he will have to return to the hospital for the procedure. The cardiologist is being extra cautious, given his age, and wants to carefully review the films of his last angiogram three years ago before potentially moving forward. I respect this, though I hate to see my dad have to go back to the hospital again.

I was near tears last night when Seth decided to draw a book that showed grandpa in the hospital. He's a child who feels deeply. He always has.

I spoke to my dad upon his return home, and he sounded worn. A night in the hospital can do that to you, but he's also been through a lot in life in general. And, sometimes I think he feels it's enough when his body fails him in ways he's never experienced. Aging isn't easy. I wouldn't say he's lost his will to live, but he does feel he lacks a quality life. He's frustrated on a daily basis, and it's a hard thing to hear. I want better for him.

A mom I know said to me this week that she's realizing more and more the need not to put off things. She just helped hire an aide for her in-laws and sees them having physical challenges they never used to.

My husband's best friend's wife lost her 80 something mother a month ago, and earlier this week, her brother in his late 50s unexpectedly passed away. Life can be fragile. I'm receiving that message from the universe loud 'n clear.

I've just begun to read Devotion, a new book by Dani Shapiro, and from the book jacket copy alone, I can so relate to the essence of her motivation to write this memoir. It says...."In her midforties and settled into the responsibilities and routines of adulthood, Dani Shapiro found herself with more questions than answers. Was this all life was -- a hodgepodge of errands, dinner dates, e-mails, meetings, to-do lists? What did it all mean?"

I do know that I need a little break before I reach my breaking point. In April, the next school vacation, I may go away with Seth. Marc, my husband, can't take time off then due to tax season. So, it would be my first time just with Seth away from home. It would be fun to go visit a close friend. I could use some quality gal pal time, laughs, heartfelt in-person chats, and a change of atmosphere.

I pray that my dad's potential stent procedure won't be during that period.

Dear Motherhood Later -- by Robin

I receive quite a number of letters from Later Moms who hear about MotherhoodLater.com and reach out to me via email. I have decided to periodically share select letters, with the permission of the moms. Some truly touch my heart, and I feel might resonate with others who became a mom at 35+.

This is a letter I received earlier this week...and my response to it will be at the end......and if you would like to respond as well, I invite you to post a comment to the blog.

Hi,

Do you have any information for women over the age of 45 that have had babies? I am having a problem finding anyone to talk with. Everyone my age is a grandparent and don't really want to spend time with me because of having my son who is now 15 months old. Talking with the younger crowd doesn't help me out either.... Let me tell you about myself.

My name is Susan Homan. I am a mother of two sons. I have been married for almost 27 years. My first son is 24, married with a 3 year old and one the way... Yes I am a Grandmother! I am a Fire Inspector and Arson Investigator and work a fifty-six hour work week with one night over staying at the fire station, this has been this way for almost 20 years. Then, at the age of 46, I found myself pregnant with my second son... Yes, twenty-three years apart. All my friends said we were crazy for having another child. My husband and I had talked about it very hard and said that if all the tests came back normal and there was nothing wrong, we would have him. Everything worked out as well as it could, and we have a healthy normal little boy, Chase.

The problems that I have been having are not finding anyone to talk to who has some sort of the same situation. My friends don't call any more because they don't want to deal with my son when going to a dinner or luncheons or even a small get together. And the younger crowds don't want a grandmother hanging around their groups.

Let me tell you, it is very hard trying to find a friend when you are a grandmother and a mother. Not many people want to even deal with you. It has been kind of lonely, but trying to deal with it is all I can do.

I was just wondering if there was any one else out there that is in the same situation? Can you direct me to any outlet if there is one?

Thanks for reading,
Susan Homan
Age 47
Son: Ryan 24
Son: Chase 15 months
Married: 26 years
Live in San Diego, CA


Dear Susan -

I applaud you for standing by your convictions and doing what felt right for your family. Chase is a blessing!

I have come to believe that sometimes certain friends will come 'n go in our lives as we transition. It can be hurtful when that happens. I totally understand and can relate. But, it also opens the door for new people to enter.

It is for this very reason that I launched Motherhood Later...Than Sooner. It's a wonderful way for women like yourself to connect, and I hope that you'll join some of our online communities and have a chance to chat with other later moms.

I have to believe that there are women like you in the same mom/grandmom boat.

Perhaps you'd like to consider helping to launch a San Diego chapter of Motherhood Later?

If there are any San Diego moms or grandmom/moms reading this blog, please do drop a comment with your email, so Susan may connect with you.

Warm regards,
Robin
founder
www.MotherhoodLater.com

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Playdate Peer Pressue -- by Robin

When does peer pressure start to influence your child?

We had a playdate this past weekend, and I was somewhat stunned at the behavior of my son. His friend came over, and he's a bit younger than Seth, and a very active boy. Seth is too, but at times, it felt like this boy topped him.

The plan was to play in our newly refurbished basement. And, his parents came too. We're all good friends, so it was a good opportunity for everyone to socialize. And, we were excited to showcase our basement and to be able to share it, since the whole construction process was quite the ordeal (if you read my previous blog).

From the moment the boy arrived, things felt a bit wild in the house. They wound up running up 'n down the stairs, playing in Seth's room, the hall, in the basement...all over the house. I had baked a quiche, and was serving lunch in the basement for my friends, and had made mac 'n cheese for the boys. Certainly, we knew in all their excitement of being together, shooting Nerf guns, etc., that taking a lunch break was no where on their minds. That was okay. But, what transpired was not okay in my book.

As they rain upstairs, they deliberately pushed the sliding lock on the basement door (outside the door), and locked the three adults in the basement. We could not get out. It was very unsettling. We banged on the door and yelled and yelled, and finally they let us out. And, then 10 minutes later, they did it again, despite our scolding them.

This time I had enough, and my friend asked for a screwdriver removed the lock from the door, and I took the two boys in the kitchen, sat them down to eat their now cold lunch, and we had a discussion about behavior, safety, etc.

I told Seth there would be punishment for his behavior, and that mommy and daddy would discuss it and let him know what it is. My friends said that it wasn't Seth's fault. That their son was involved as well, but that didn't make it any better for me. Seth didn't stop it.

What arose for me with this experience is of great concern. Seth is six...soon to be seven....and at what age do kids just go along with other kids, even if they know their behavior isn't ideal? And, actually downright dangerous.

I said to my husband that Seth needs to learn a big lesson from this. But, is it possible at his young age? Is it too much to expect a six year old to grasp that he doesn't have to go along with the crowd, or even just one other child?

And, what happens as he gets older? Today, it's locking a basement door. They'll be countless other influences and influencers who come into his life as he matures. Will he be discerning enough to resist? Will he emerge a leader vs. a follower?

How can you as parent instill in your child an innate sense of what is right and wrong? Is it possible?

We can't be by his side 24-7, especially as he spends more and more time with friends, and less with mommy & daddy, so he will need to reach conclusions on his own.

I do want to set in place an understanding of values that he can apply to help guide him through life in a positive way.

I'd love to hear from you. Do you have older children, and how have you dealt with this matter? If you have younger children, is it something you think about? Please do share....I welcome stories and advice.

PS -- Be sure to sign up for our free monthly newsletter at www.MotherhoodLater.com. The February giveaway is courtesy of Lisa Leonard Designs, makes of something unique custom jewelry & more, enjoyed by celebrities and others.

Just a Number -- by Robin

Earlier this week, I attended a luncheon gathering of some interesting older women writers in my town. I love being with upbeat elderly people, women in particular. There's so much to be said for learning from the experiences of others, especially those who have lived longer than you. I try to soak in their wisdom like a sponge. Such a yest for life which knows no age. And why should it?!

I was speaking on the phone with a friend today who is in her 50s (but doesn't look it)...and she said that she has been asked how old she is, and she's coined the response, "Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted."

I LOVE that. And, I'm going to borrow it, I let her know. She laughed.

Her philosophy, and I agree, is that anything is possible in life. Getting caught up in age can potentially lead to self-limiting beliefs. Expectations...or lack thereof. And, either way, why should we do that to ourselves? We deserve better.

I took an acting class this fall, and I just learned that the acting teacher is about to go on a trip to India to work in an orphanage. She recently celebrated her 70th birthday. She looks much younger, and, she's never, to my knowledge, had plastic surgery. Not that I'm against it, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. (I've never done it.) At present, I prefer to go the healthy green tea route. :)

Certainly, as a later mom, especially if you're feeling tired a lot, it's easy to say that you have less energy now than you did when you were younger. But, what about mental energy? Are you doing things that are stimulating to you? Do you allow yourself some quality time with friends who really know you and you can share with in a way that feels authentic and meaningful? That in itself can be reinvigorating.

I just signed up to take two local adult ed classes starting in March, and I'm very much looking forward. One is called Writing from the Heart, which is taught by my former acting teacher. The other is an introduction to Tarot Card Reading. Just for fun! I'm curious. I've had my cards read in the past and have always been intrigued by it. It will get me thinking out of the box, for sure. And, the description says you will even learn how to read your own cards.

So, who knows what I'll uncover in the cards? Though, I don't really want to dwell too much on the future. I'd prefer to live fully today. And, I'm curious who will be in my classes. Since they're offered midday during the week, my guess is that they will be popular with seniors. And, I welcome that with open arms.


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Wisdom Tooth Week -- by Robin

I got my lower left wisdom tooth pulled this week. A filling had cracked, and I was advised to take it out.

Years ago, I had had four adult teeth pulled when I was getting braces, and I survived. I had totally forgotten that I also had my lower right wisdom pulled decades ago. I have a vague recollection that it was coming in crooked.

I know in the scheme of things health wise, the tooth pulling this week was thankfully not a big one, yet I found myself feeling uptight about it. Especially, when the dentist gave me the lengthy list of the potential aftermath that I might experience, however unlikely, that I had to sign off on. Who would want to get a tooth pulled after reading all that?! I wanted to bolt from the chair immediately, but the assistant came in and reassured me it was standard procedure.

Once the procedure was over and I was all numbed up from novacaine and on Motrin, I did some thinking.

Why was I so nervous? It was only a tooth.

I do have discomfort and a mild headache from it, but it will pass. And, ok, I'm eating just yogurt and sugar free jello right now, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

This procedure pushed a button. A fear button in me. And, one of control. I've found that as I've gotten older, I feel more vulnerable, yet at the same time, protective of my body. In my 20s, I didn't much think about it. Perhaps I felt invincible at the time? Now, I don't.

A number of years ago, I had a scary health scenario that ultimately turned out ok, but it left me with huge trepidation when it comes to doctors....or anyone in the medical profession. I want my body poked and prodded as little as possible by anyone in a white jacket bearing instruments or instrumentalia (as I said jokingly to a friend the other day).

I am appreciative for good medical care, but I'd prefer not to need it.

I recently saw the comedian Susie Essman perform at a very cool event in NYC called Women Who Write. She was hysterical, as she read from her new book (currently featured on the home page of MotherhoodLater.com). I felt like the words were coming out of my mouth, as I think many in the audience did. Susie is in her 50s and admits to often thinking she has diseases when she learns of someone who contracted it. Even if it's prostate cancer. LOL. I have been known, at times, I admit it....to refer to WebMd to look up symptoms I have in the search of self diagnosis. Sometimes it's calming, and other times it gets the wheels turning even further anxiously in my head.

Fortunately, I don't do this with my son. Although, when he recently was put on Tamiflu, I did read up on it a bit. Being informed is a good thing. Being overly fearful when it's not warranted isn't.

I certainly don't want Seth to know I do this....or to have health fears himself. I don't want this to rub off on him. My husband is not this way.

Is it a female thing?

Is it life as a 40 something female thing?

Is it life as a 40 something peri-menopausal female thing?

Perhaps all of the above.

I wish I could return to my more fearless 20-something self. But, we can't turn back the hands of time. And, like it or not, we need doctors, dentists, etc. I was not in a position to pull my own tooth...though my son probably would have taken great pleasure in rising to the occasion for me. He was quick to take out his toy medical kit when I got home. And, he was hugely disappointed when I told him I didn't have the pulled tooth. He asked why? Who knew it would be such a letdown for him not to see my cracked, cavity filled tooth?! If there is a next time (I have two remaining wisdom teeth), I'll know better.

He really is all boy. Perhaps a little dentist in the making? While I'm not so sure of that, I do appreciate his concern for my welfare and his curiosity about the human body.

Generations -- by Robin

This past weekend, my 91 year old dad came to stay with us, as he does often when his live-in aide goes home some weekends. He sleeps on a cot in Seth's room, and I've always felt that it was a nice bonding experience for the two of them.


It's getting to the point now, though, as Seth gets older, that he's becoming less 'n less tolerant of my dad's snoring and getting up frequently to visit the bathroom. It's been waking him up, and he doesn't want him in his room anymore. So, we may move the cot into the living room. That would be a bit of a longer walk for my dad to the bathroom, but he could potentially manage.

I found myself sad during this stay. I miss what my dad was. He spends so much time complaining about how he feels, that it leaves me depressed. I want to treasure our time together...and his time with Seth....I just wish it could be a beat more upbeat....even if not perfect.

Is this what happens when someone gets old? Is it to be expected that their health becomes a primary topic of ongoing discussion? My dad says that when he goes to the senior center for lunch, everyone shares about their ailments. I guess it gives them some level of comfort to know they're not alone, but isn't it better not to dwell on it constantly?! If you do, then I would imagine it can take over your thoughts, and what kind of life is that?! Say it...get it out...and then move on.

I don't want to pass judgment. Who knows what I'll be like as a senior citizen?

I feel blessed to have my dad, but I have to be gentle with myself as well, and allow the feelings that come up for me. Even, if that means taking a break from listening to him. I just don't want to get angry, but sometime I can't help it.

My dad laughs when he talks about how many doctor appointments friends of his have...and he has his weekly share as well.

The weekend left me with tremendous guilt, which I know I don't deserve. I had the need to escape my dad at one point and took myself to the movies. Marc watched Seth, and my dad was napping. The break did me good.

A friend wrote to me that I should do something fun with my father. But, the problem is, he isn't up for much. He gets tired easily and frequents the bathroom. He does enjoy eating out, so we always at the very least do that.

When my dad returned home, I felt relief. He's in good hands with his aide, and I can speak to him on the phone as I do daily (more than once), and not feel quite as immersed in his negative talk. I'm blessed that my six year old is upbeat and makes me laugh. He is good company, and when he makes my dad laugh, and forget his age for a moment, I have visions of what my dad was like when I was young. It warms my heart because I know no one will love me like my dad, and there's alot to be said for that. And, I'm thankful that Seth knows his grandpa, snoring and all.

PS -- HAPPY, HEALTHY NEW YEAR!

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Pig Purging -- by Robin

It's been a pig-filled week at my house.

My son is thankfully now over the swine flu.....and I'm doing further purging.

For regular readers of this blog, you know that we gutted and rebuilt my entire basement, and I've been spending considerable time both before and now organizing the house. Thankfully, I've also had some assistance from our wonderful cleaning woman who is not emotionally attached to stuff like I am.

Up until this week, my focus has been mostly papers, clothing and other things we've managed to accumulate over the years living in this house. But, now my attention has turned to pigs, and it's peaking the interest of friends, which I find both funny and intriguing. I had no idea that others cared about my pig collection or supported my love of them this much. I'm receiving notes expressing shock that I would let some go.

It's been years since my collection started, back in the days of my working in Manhattan. It started simply with a photo of a pot-bellied pig I posted on my office bulletin board, just because it was cute. Co-workers started to presume I was into pigs, and little by little I would receive them as gifts. While I didn't necessarily embrace them at first, over time it became a quest. When I'd go on vacation, it gave me something to hunt for. Friends always knew what to buy for my birthday. Pigs would brighten my day, and slowly but surely take over my life and home.

My husband has been very understanding. And, my son has been raised with a love of pigs as well.

But, the time has come to let go....at least a bit. At the suggestion of a wise friend this week, I am releasing some of my collection. And, it has really struck a chord with me. Something about it is freeing. And, right away I posted an item about them on craigslist and freecycle. I decided, in the spirit of the holiday, to give them away for free to some other pig lover who would treasure them as I once did. These particular pigs no longer tickle my fancy, and I was glad to see I was able to let go. Though I did need to do it quickly, for fear I might change my mind. And, the response was more than I expected from interested takers. They were picked up the same day I posted about them.....at 10PM. Couldn't believe it! I was grateful not to have the chance to sleep on it. The pigs might have looked rosier in the morning.

Believe me....I'm not hurting in the pig department. There's still a good amount around here. But, I am working hard to invite new, positive energy into the house. And, this was a great way to prepare for 2010. And who knows? I might relinquish more swine in the future, but I'm proud of my effort at the moment and am glad the pigs will be in a worthy home for Christmas.

What can you release from your life that might free you up in ways you don't expect? Think about it, and feel free to share. I invite you to go for it! If I can do it, you can too. :)

Domesticity -- by Robin

Nothing has gone smoothly this week.

We've been going shopping for the basement. Bought a bed at IKEA, along with a wardrobe. (My first time shopping there.) Purchased a television (not from there). And, reached out to a charity to donate furniture, clothing and other items.

What is it about service these days?

The wardrobe was sent for assembly with the wrong size doors. The television did not have a cable connection (my husband thought it would). And, the charity was so particular that they actually refused some of the items we were hoping to give away.

After spending hours at home awaiting all the deliveries, etc....I then wound up spending considerable time on the phone trying to straighten things out. And, have to yet again wait for things to be redelivered, etc. It's enough to frustrate anyone.

And, being the one who works from home, the bulk of it falls on my plate. I know it's not unique to us, but I do find it challenging at times being a stay-at-home mom who has to oversee everything from house stuff, to shopping, to arranging playdates, social outings, etc, all while working from my kitchen table. Don't get me wrong....I'm very grateful to be able to work from home, but it's a lot of juggling and easy distraction.

In that sense, I'm envious of my husband who goes to his office, or the office of a client, and focuses on the tasks at hand. He has a specific agenda, and while things don't always go smoothly, he's wearing his suit 'n tie, and there is no questioning that he's at work. Whereas, for me, as a work at home mom, my uniform of choice is often stretch pants and a tshirt, while I put on my professional cap. No one sees me, except for the delivery guys, if I don't venture out of the house. I don't miss the pantyhose and heels, so that's a positive.

My acting class ended this week, and I will miss it. I might sign up again in March, depending on my husband's work schedule since it will be tax season at that time. It was nice to have that on my weekly schedule as something that I could count on (other than gym visits).

In class, I wasn't a stay at home mom. I was stretching myself to see who I could become, both that night and looking ahead. Work defines you in so many ways, for better or worse.

I don't miss the commuting into Manhattan...I used to work in the city....but I do miss the energy. Maybe one day I'll return to it, even if part time? Who knows?!

I was speaking with a friend earlier this week who said that she was actually asking herself one day if she should go shopping at Pathmark or King Kullen (a store she doesn't frequent...but to break up the routine)? And, maybe she'd really "let loose" and instead of buying the typical red delicious apples, perhaps she'd be more daring and try the granny smiths? She had me totally cracking up because I fully understood.

I applaud all stay at home moms and others who bear domestic responsibility (men included). We're in it together, and when you're walking down that produce aisle, sharing a good belly laugh sometimes makes all the difference.

Yearning for BFF Times -- by Robin

I am SO looking forward to the weekend.

My good friend, Debbie, who I don't get to see too often since we live a distance apart, is coming to stay with us for a night with her two kids. Though older than Seth, he loves playing with them. And, I am psyched for the time with Debbie.

One of the things that I miss a lot is quality time with close girlfriends (my BFFs...best female friends). Since becoming a mom and no longer working in the city, I don't have access to some as I used to. Debbie and I, back in our single days, both worked in Manhattan and would often socialize together after work or at the very least get in a healthy dose of exercise as we walked to the subway or bus together, enroute to our homes. She lived on Long Island, and I in Queens. And, we'd spend ample time on the weekends on the phone dishing about our week and making weekend plans.

Things are different now.

She lives in New Jersey, and I live on Long Island. For years, we always joked that when we each (hopefully) got married one day, we'd buy homes next to each other or at least nearby.

That didn't happen.

She met a guy from New Jersey, so they wound up settling there. And, I met a guy originally from Queens who was living in Great Neck, NY, so we wound up in Great Neck. We lived in a 1 bedroom apartment at first and when it came househunting, we didn't just look in Great Neck. We toured Rockland, Westchester, CT, other areas of LI and even NJ. I originally thought if we at least lived in NJ, even if not far out, I could get relatively close to Debbie....or at least there wouldn't be a bridge between us.

We wound up putting a bid on a house in Glen Rock, NJ that was accepted, but it led to my having a totally sleepless night. I woke up the next day and realized we had made a big mistake. I didn't want to move to New Jersey. I hated the George Washington Bridge. There's always major traffic on it, and I knew that if I were to ever drive to LI, NYC or Queens (where my dad lives), I would not be a happy camper. So, we revoked the offer, and the homeowner was totally understanding. I knew at that moment that Debbie and I would likely never become next door neighbors or even live in the same state.

Since I no longer work in the city, I've endeavored to make friends in the suburbs. And, since becoming a mom, I've made a constant effort to befriend other moms. But, being moms isn't enough to cement a true, meaningful friendship. You have to connect on a level beyond that. I do think it's possible, but it doesn't happen overnight, as my mom friend Jeri says.

There is something to be said for having history with a BFF. Debbie knew me back in my single days. She knew my mom (who has passed away). She understands what my upbringing was like. Where I grew up. What I used to wear. When I first permed my hair. What pushes my buttons, so to speak, etc, etc. And, she's not afraid to "tell it like it is" if I'm venting about something. She helps keep me "real" in that regard....kinda like a dose of tough love that you may not want to hear but you know you need to listen.

And, don't we all need at least one friend like that?! Someone who isn't afraid to say something even if it might not sit right with us. Someone who can ruffle your feathers, but you know they're coming from a truly sincere place of wanting only what's best for you. Someone you could call at 2AM, and they wouldn't hang up. Someone who will let you talk 'n talk and not expect anything in return. There's no hidden agenda. No walking on eggshells. No questioning if they like you or not....or if it's just about a play date for the kids....or for professional networking reasons. You genuinely connect on a kindred spirit level.

I'm grateful to have time (even though it will be fleeting this weekend) with Debbie. I'm glad we've managed to stay close all these years and to share the ups 'n downs of life. She's one of the most grounded women I know (her upbringing was a challenging one), and we always have a good time. It takes me back to the days when life seemed simpler. Uncertain...yes......since we were both single and wondered how things would turn out. Now that we have a sense of that at least for today, we can laugh as we look back on the things we used to worry about. They have since been replaced by an entirely different set of concerns.

Life is an ever-evolving journey, and the more we get to share it, the better.

Chilling 'n Clearing -- by Robin

I have never been a napper. My dad does it. A friend of mine swears by it. But, it's not my thing.

I'm not particularly good at relaxing. Never have been.

But, the other day, I spontaneously gave into my desire to chill.

I put on the television one late afternoon and watched a movie on cable. I laid on the living room couch with a bottle of water, and gave myself permission just to watch in the dark. It was peaceful, spontaneous, and I loved it.

Back in my single days, I'd often spend part of a Saturday practicing self care. Hitting the gym. Doing my nails. Reading the paper. Watching a good movie.

Since becoming a mom, weekends are no longer my own. So, if it's alone time I seek, a weekday when Seth is in school is it. But, how to give yourself permission to take a break from work (I work from home) and other chores and errands? And, if you do give yourself a breather, how to do it without the guilt? What's the point if you can't totally relish it without thoughts racing through your head of what you could or should be doing instead?!

Sometimes I think about the different phases of life and how much things change. Life doesn't stand still for anyone, especially a multi-tasking mom. Just look at how fast our kids grow up. My son is 6.5 already.

I was at my evening acting class Wednesday night, and when I came home, my husband told me that Seth (at bedtime), told him to promise to tell me that he loves and missed me (since I wasn't there to tuck him in). I was SO touched that I wanted to give him a big hug immediately, but he was sleeping. I know the day will come as he gets older when he'll need me less and less, so I treasure comments like that. Yet, at the same time, I was grateful for the time away at my class that I am enjoying.

Motherhood can be such a conflict at times, can't it?! We are truly challenged to do so much in a given day....yet we (I) fight to hold on to personal and professional aspirations despite the many demands of life.

The key is to find happiness in the everyday and not let your to do list overwhelm. I have felt quite overwhelmed due to our basement project and all that has come with it in terms of organizing the house, purging, donating, etc. Tomorrow my cleaning woman comes to help with some of it. I thought it would be beneficial to bring her in since she does not have the emotional attachment I have to things. And, she'll help move us along in her chipper way. She loves to clear and get things in order. I love the end result, but truly despise the process. When things are out of order and feeling really cluttered, the negative energy permeates the house and my mind, and it's easy to feel stifled. A major clearing is in order here, and we'll get there day by day. I have to muster the patience and keep the faith to know it will happen.

Tonite I am attending a workshop in NYC about how to live more simply. I'm curious to see what tips they have to offer. For me, I feel like it's easier said than done, but I'd like to learn and at least make an attempt at it.

I won't be home to read Seth a bedtime story or lay with him. I will miss that. But, if this class can shed constructive light in a way I can apply to my/our lives, Seth will ultimately be glad I attended. And Marc too. We'll all reap the benefits.

A Life in Books -- by Robin

It's been an interesting experience unpacking, organizing, purging and donating...all of which has resulted from our basement construction. But, it's not limited to that. It's impacting our entire home, as I go through closet by closet in an effort to streamline our living. It's quite a task, and not one that will happen overnight.

One thing that has emerged for me, especially this past weekend, when we really made a huge dent in unloading boxes, was that I felt like I was coming full circle. It was as if my life was unfolding in front of me in ways I didn't anticipate.

As I unpacked and placed books, photos albums, etc. on shelves, it was the first time in quite a while that I stepped back to really examine what I had in my hands. I was holding my life. So many of the books (and I have many....as an author...I adore books) resonated with me in terms of where I was at the time I bought or read it. I started having flashbacks.

Books from travel. I turned up journals I had kept as a college student living in Nice, France for a summer. What a treat to read them. And, to peruse through some of my old French dictionaries. It was a good time in my life. It was my first experience living away from home (not counting my college dorm room), and I loved the feeling of independence and the excitement of being on foreign soil. I hung out with fellow students on the topless beaches of Nice (debating if I should go for it or not). Shopped in supermarkets like a local (I was on a budget). Saw my first French film without subtitles (barely understood a word). Took trains to Italy and Paris, and aside from my studies, lived in a pretty spontaneous manner. It suited me.

Also on my shelves were a variety of self-help books, some of which related to G-d andgrief, which were bittersweet, since I had read them after losing my beloved mom. Others were about balance, finding peace, discovering your true life's purpose, etc. Things I still ponder and should probably reread.

I also have many dating/relationship books, since as the author of How to Marry a Mensch (decent person) and my work as a Love Coach for singles (http://www.lovecoach.com/), I endeavor to keep up with the writing of others in this genre.

There were also books on playwriting and plays by some of my favorite writers including Wendy Wasserstein and Charles Busch. (I aspire to write a play one day. Have started....)

Small gift books I had received from special friends over the years.

I even turned up a few books from my teen years that managed to survive my mom's efforts to clean out my childhood basement. Little Women and Little Men were two of them. I had written my name in them, and I tried to think back to when I read them and how much they meant to me. Little Men was a chunky book, but it was a soft paperback, and one whose pages were pliable and worn. I envisioned being perched on my cushy pink backrest on my bed in my small bedroom in the home where I grew up, reading into the night, as I often liked to do.

It's funny how since then, I rarely read fiction. Since becoming an author, my focus has been non-fiction, inspirational books. Yet, as a child, I used to write and illustrate kids books (not for publication...just fun). One title was The First Mouse to Land on the Moon. I still have it, and have shared it with my son, and even his kindergarten class last year when they invited me in talk about my experiences writing how-to books, since the children were working on their own.

Recently, the mom of a student in my son's first grade class, phoned to ask if I'd speak with her son. At age six, he adores writing and wants to get his stories published and on the shelf in a library. I saw myself in him. And, I was more than glad to inspire him to continue writing, but to focus on pursuing his passion, and that he could turn his attention to publication over time. The mom was happy that I was able to speak with him from an author perspective. She didn't want him to dwell on the finished product, but to keep on loving to create stories.

I wouldn't describe myself as a book worm. I'm not particularly an avid reader. I fancy myself more as a collector. I like the look and feel of books. I'll never get a Kindle...it just wouldn't be the same for me....though I know some embrace it.

Of late, many of the newer books on my shelves relate to mothering and health. Everything from Dr. Spock to Dr. Christiane Northrup (who writes about women's health). Whether it be parenting or perimenopause, both can be complex subjects, and these are books I find myself perusing with greater frequency.

I'm grateful our basement construction has led me to this place. It's been a revealing trip down literary memory lane. Kinda like This is Your Life....in Books. Wonder what the next chapter will hold??



PS -- Wanted to give a shout out to Macaroni Kid. It is a free weekly e-newsletter I just learned of that gives you the scoop on local events for kids and families. Check it out at http://www.macaronikid.com/, and if it's not yet in your town, find out how to launch one.

Win-Win Grandparenting -- by Robin

This is chest x-ray week for our family. I had to get a follow-up to check on my pneumonia, which as it turns out is still not completely gone...so more antibiotic for me. And Seth got his first chest x-ray to check out his chronic cough. Thankfully his turned out clean, which means that we need to explore further what might be causing his daily barking (pretty scary sounding).

He's had it for two plus years now, and he's already seen a pulmonary doctor, so we know it's not asthma. His pediatrician is next going to explore acid reflux, I believe, so we'll see where that goes. I would like to get to the bottom of it sooner than later.

This leads me to my topic for the week.....that of grandparent support.

I lost my beloved mom 10 years ago, and my dad (G-d bless him) is 91 and has health challenges. My father-in-law passed away as well, and my mother-in-law (MIL) is in her 80s, and while not perfect, is in general, in decent health (and probably more than decent).

I have always missed that my mom didn't live to see me become a mom, and when I got married, I thought it would be cool to have in-laws who would love and befriend me. I'm not saying that's not the case, but yesterday I was a bit dismayed.

I had planned to take Seth to the local hospital for the x-ray, at the suggestion of his pediatrician. Coincidentally, it happens to be the hospital where my MIL volunteers twice/week. She enjoys helping there and knows a ton of the people. When she heard I was going to take Seth there, she offered to come along. I told her that would be nice and that I'd phone once he came home from school to make sure he was up for it. He had had a bit of an upset stomach earlier in the week.

When he got home, I called her, and to my surprise, she said she'd come but needed to drive separately because she agreed to have dinner at my brother-in-law's house at an early hour. I didn't see how we'd possibly be done at the hospital in time for her to make it there, so I told her to forget it, and that we'd go ourselves.

Afterwards, I felt a heartache I didn't expect. I had welcomed her support, and was suddenly let down. My own mom wouldn't have done that to me if she promised to be a shoulder to lean on. It made me acutely aware of how I miss her and how at the end of the day, the person we can most count on is ourselves. While others in our lives may mean well, they don't always deliver for whatever reason. We have to be strong in our own right, and welcome support if/when it becomes available.

This made me somewhat sad. What was it like years ago when families often lived in communities and were really there for each other? How nice. How reassuring. How convenient.

I find myself jealous of others when I hear their parents are spending time with their child or helping out in some capacity. We don't really have that. And, it's a nice relationship for both the child and grandparent. In my book, it's a win-win.

And, as a mom without a mom, I often find myself welcoming mom figures into my life. In that way, I sometimes feel a bit needy. Though, in this case, I was not the one who invited my MIL to come. She offered. And, when I opened myself up to it, the story changed.

Ultimately, as it turned out, and much to my surprise....as we got poised to leave for the hospital, my MIL showed up at our doorstep and said she cancelled her dinner plans. I guess she had a change of heart. And, it did mean a lot to me.

I hope all the moms out there who have either in-laws or their own parents available to them, treasure these moments, and the huge source of support and love and wisdom they can offer. What I wouldn't give for that.

Shakespeare of Moms -- by Robin

Just have to quickly share (for those who have been waiting on pins 'n needles)....our basement passed final inspection this week. What a huge relief!

Moving on.....I had an interesting experience two nights ago. At the suggestion of a writer friend, I signed up for an acting class through my local adult ed program. She thought it might be beneficialbecause I aspire to write a play, and she has written some in the past and is working on others, and has found it helpful with dialogue, understanding what makes good theatre, etc.

The class began this week, and there are 14 of us, all ages, backgrounds and varied levels of dramatic experience. The instructor quickly asked each of us if we've taken acting and when. I was readily brought back to my college days. I attended Hofstra University (undergrad), and was a French minor. One of the classes I took and loved was a French drama class where I actually performed a scene entirely in French. I was so proud of myself at the time, and it was such a challenge. To this day, I fondly recall the experience and the satisfaction I got from it.

This week in the class, she started out with a variety of exercises in an attempt to get us comfortable in our own skin. Each of us was asked to stand for one minute in the room, to be observed by others, and to do nothing. Not smile. Not react. Not move. Not make eye contact with anyone. Do absolutely nothing.

For many, doing nothing was one of the hardest things they've had to do. I wasn't sure how it would feel for me. When I did it, I felt like I was blinking because my eyes were tired. I fixated on a particular poster in the room and tried to meditate so I wouldn't dwell on the fact that I was the focal point of the other students. I was afraid I'd feel overly self-conscious. It was a seemingly long minute.

After the exercise, we gathered in groups of four to share what we observed about each other. And, not one person said I blinked. I was surprised. And, they said I wasn't overly rigid, didn't rock, or do anything I had been concerned about.

This was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me.

It's so easy to judge yourself and reach conclusions about how you're perceived that may be far from the truth. And, especially if it's something that makes you feel somewhat insecure or challenged, the feelings can be all the stronger. While I'm a Leo, and sometimes enjoy attention, other times, I prefer not to be the focal point.

Imagine how as mothers it's so easy to pass self judgment. We have high expectations for our performance, yet, if you're a new mom or have one child, we have had no prior training.

The acting teacher spoke of our working on scenes for our next class, and that for those without acting experience, she'd recommend a scene close to us as people versus a Shakespeare. This made sense. Either way, we'll be stretching ourselves, and those who are so motivated, can work their way up to Shakespeare.

For me, that is not an aspiration. And, surprisingly, it made me aware that I don't need to strive to be the Shakespeare of moms either. While I embrace my role as a mom, it's certainly not always easy. But, what in life is? So, why does it make sense not to take on a big acting role right away (with no formal training), yet as a mom, we want to be at the peak of performance?!

It's ok to aim high...and we should...but we're human. We deserve to cut ourselves some slack.

Stellar Shakespearean actors aren't born in a day. And, the same holds true for us moms.


PS -- Take a listen to my interview re: later in life parenting! http://www.therealparentingshow.com/episodes/226/the-real-parenting-show-037-later-in-life-parenting/

Baby Steps -- by Robin

In case you are yearning for a basement update......we finally had our plumbing inspection done today. Unreal....it took nearly a month to get the guy here. Next up is the town inspection, and then we're good to go....with some minor items yet to be done by the contractor. Everything will be moved back downstairs, and life will resume.

That said, I'm now in the throes of attempting to organize.

I feel like we've moved. Not only do we have to get things in order upstairs since so much was moved up to the main floor for safe-keeping, but we (I) then have to decide what goes where in the basement.

We went to Target this weekend and bought a ton of plastic bins...varying sizes...to store Seth's toys. I am spending this week pouring through the bins of toys we have in the living...and then his bedroom....to create a place for each of them. Of course, in the mix, I'm finding tons of little and big pieces with no obvious home.

I'm not great at just throwing out stuff. It's something I'm working on...not just for Seth, but myself. I can't live well in a state of clutter. I don't know how anyone can. But, it's also not easy to take the bull by the horns and devote the time that is needed to create a sytem in your home. Ultimately you'll be all the better for it, but it's a painstaking process.

And, Marc (my husband) isn't overly up for the task. And, Seth can only do so much. So, it's on my shoulders. And, I must admit, I have moments where I feel resentful. This is not fun. But, then I remind myself that lots of life's projects require major time and effort and are not always a joy, depending on the stage you're in.

In a perfect world, we'd all have the opportunity to focus on our passions, but we do have responsibilities. And, since I've become a mom, I'm all the more conscious of that.

I feel like there is so much that I take care of. My husband has his share too. But, since I'm the one working from home, I'm constantly bouncng back 'n forth from activity to activity.

I was part of a "prayer" call this week that a friend of mine arranged. She was in need of the empowering energy of a group to help her attract more money into her life. Who wouldn't want that?! But, she truly is in need.

So, I participated. Not being sure what this would entail. While the focus was on my friend, it's interesting how you can take away even when you're not the center of attention. We each had a chance to introduce ourselves and then share ideas and thoughts for my friend. Then, the facilitator shared her sentiments, and it hit home for me.

In the midst of all the tasks of life that we have on our plates, as women, we are often hard on ourselves. She emphasized the need to be self forgiving. To cut ourselves some slack as we endeavor to be all things to all people.

And, one of the gals added the importance of making time for self and having fun or just chilling.

I know I can be hard on myself, and it's something I need to work on. And, I could use more belly laughs for sure. And reflexology massages.

While a big part of me wishes I could just snap my fingers and have my house (and basement) in tip top shape, if I focus on what is realistic for me to accomplish today and each day, little by little, step by step, things will get done.

It might feel like baby steps. But, I remember when my son took his first baby steps, and now, in the blink of a eye, as the years have quickly passed, he's itching to play football.

PS -- Check out the MotherhoodLater.com October featured later mom, Marissa Janet Winokur, actress/singer/Luv's spokesperson. A cancer survivor, she and her husband used a surrogate, and she shares her story with us.

PPS -- Thanks to http://awholevillage.com/ for the October giveaway on MotherhoodLater.com. They produce lovely one-of-a-kind custom keepsake books that feature your personal wisdom.

Life in the Fast Lane -- by Robin

For better or worse, I feel like I'm living life in the fast lane....literally.

Last week a friend told me about Mercury Retrograde because I felt like things just weren't going right in a wide variety of ways.

Well....this week, the universe continues to speak to me, and if I don't listen, I need to get my hearing checked.

I've had a cough for a couple of weeks now that is keeping me up at night. It's a dry cough, so I presumed it was allergies, post nasal drip or due to throat irritation from acid reflux. My dad has a gastro doctor he really likes, who I've spoken to on his behalf on the phone, so I decided to make an appointment to see him.

He had a lovely bedside manner, and I felt very comfortable sharing my health history and what brought me to him. After taking notes, he said let's take a chest x-ray. I haven't had one in a number of years, so I thought fine, and didn't expect anything.

I waited patiently for the results, and to my total shock, he told me I have pneumonia. I never had pneumonia before. How is that possible? Who knows!? But, it's here. I don't feel awful, and I always thought you would with pneumonia. He said not everyone is highly symptomatic.

So, I'm now on antibiotic and am so grateful that I didn't dismiss my cough. Goes to show you really need to know your own body.

Earlier this week, despite being ill, I was committed to attend a moms night out dinner for Motherhood Later in NY. It featured speaker Elaine Lerner on the subject of ADHD (http://www.adhdparenttrainer.com/). It was a very informative talk, and was enjoyable to spend time with mom peers, some of whom I met for the first time.

When the talk ended, I went to my Kia rent a car (You might recall that last week I was in a car accident, so my Camry is now in the shop..to be returned mid-next week.) and put my bags down on the hood while I said good-bye to a friend. We had to move our respective cars because we were blocking someone else. We chatted a bit more and then took off for home, and when I got home, I had my pocketbook, but my tote bag was nowhere to be found. I went crazy looking under the seats and all over, and drove frantically back to the restaurant, but no bag was turned in. I had my date book in there (which is my life), notes from the dinner talk, flyers, a CD, etc. Luckily my phone and camera were with me, so it could have been way worse. I recognize.

On my way back home, upset and without my trusty tote, I decided to drive very slowly on the main road and I head past papers flying all over the lane. I pull over into a safe side area, jump out, and dodging cars, I pick up one piece of paper and see that it's one of the Motherhood Later flyers from the meeting. I then look more closely and see my tote laying in the middle of the two way, four lane road, being run over by traffic. I scurry to grab it and look anxiously to see what is inside.

I lost the notes from the meeting, and my pens and card case were smashed, but other than that, the bag itself and other items were totally intact. (It was a lesportsac. Boy are those things made of steel. And, they've created a new line for moms. http://www.lesportsac.com/.)

I was in total disbelief that I even had this experience.

When I got home and looked back on last week, my tote bag incident, and now being under the weather, clearly it would seem that I need to get my act together in more ways than one.

What I came up with is this...

Slow down. Focus. Invite clarity into your life. Don't we wedded to "stuff." It's just stuff, and we are not defined by our "stuff".

Step back. Get off the spinning hamster wheel. It never stops unless you make it.

None of this is easy for me. I'm used to being a producer. And, being a mom has complicated that equation. I'm not entirely sure that we can have it all, though we/I try. It's for sure a juggling act and one that can wear you out. (I wrote last week about being worn out.) My to-do list is full of both big stuff and minutia, and it's a lot for anyone to handle. But, such is life, and it's not unique to me. I hear so many talk about being busy, busy.

Part of it is time management. For me, another part is de-cluttering. My house looks like a bomb hit it due to our basement construction. But, in the next month or so, we will be done with it, and can work on inviting positive energy back into our home and lives. We will purge and organize and create a system that ideally works for all of us.

A cluttered home leads to a cluttered brain leads to potential incidents such as the ones I've been having of late. At least that's my philosophy. I need to cut myself some slack. Take stock of what is truly important. Practice self-care. And, not feel guilty if I take a break. If not now, then when?!

A perpetually overtaxed mom isn't good for anyone.

Worn Out - by Robin

I am worn out today (Thursday).

It's that time of the month, and my 40-something hormones are whacked, so this was not expected.

Seth is being a total Dennis the Menace....or should I say vandal.

And, I got into a fender bender.

I was driving through town, as I do many days, enroute to TJ Maxx with a friend for a shopping jaunt. I was looking forward to a fun few hours. My week has been consumed with carpet installation, inspectors, and painters. The main street in my town is in a constant state of gridlock, and today was no different.

As I approached a corner, two cars were stopped waiting to turn. It was taking forever, so I endeavored to get around them. I inched out, and as quickly as I did that, an SUV came careening behind me. I didn't see it, and it crashed into the right front side of my car. Totally took off my headlight and the surrounding hardware and part of the front bumper.

I called the police, and an accident report was filed. The other driver took it in stride and basically said, "accidents happen." I, on the other hand, felt it was his fault, and was very rattled about it. I was grateful that no one was hurt, but it made me a bit nervous to drive (although we did still go to TJ). And, it's made me all the more aware of how we can't control others. I have always considered myself a safe, defensive driver, but still, accidents can happen. I just have to accept that. Now we'll have to deal with our insurance company.

Then, once I get home, I made a discovery in the living room. Seth had decided to play Bob the Builder (or something like that). He removed (and destroyed) the hinges to our living room armoire and dropped them in the garbage, along with the screws. I happened to stumble upon the armoire that looked funny and realized the hinges were missing. On top of that, he decided to draw on the armoire with a pen, and denying doing any of it. My husband had the lovely task of dumping out the kitchen garbage and rummaging through it. Amazingly, he found the hinges and screws, but is unable to put it back together.

Then, we discovered that Seth took Duco Cement and put it on the living room phone. What that was about, I have no clue.

Then, we discovered that he scrapped off some of the paint and spackle that was newly done in the hall and on his bedroom door.

I've never seen him go through such a totally destructive streak. It left me completely speechless.

We took away his wallet (with allowance in it), threw out one of his pet fire trucks, took away tv and dessert tonite and told him that we have lost trust in him in our home. And, that he now needs to work on gaining it back.

Just unreal.

I am worn out from it all.

This weekend is the Jewish Holiday, and I look forward to spending some quality time with family and friends.

I'd like to be able to put this week behind me and see Seth work on regaining our trust. I realize he's only six, but he's gotta make some concerted effort to make up for these actions.

Wishing all the Jewish families out there a very happy, and healthy!

Week of Firsts for Mother and Son -- by Robin

Seth's first day of first grade was this week.

He was both excited and mildly nervous. But, his nerves quickly turned to anxiousness in a positive way, as he readily hopped on the big school bus with the other kids. And, this time, because they're considered"big" kids, there is no bus attendant to make sure they're settled in their seats and don't leave behind any of their belongings. This is a big change.

It was a new experience for both of us. We had been spoiled. Up until this year, Seth's bus stopped at our doorstep, and we didn't know how good we had it. We would both roll out of bed and hustle to get ready, and no matter the weather, we waited inside the house most of the time until the bus pulled up, and I sent Seth outside.

Now, we have to wait at a bus stop with other parents and kids, and I'm not used to it. Before, to be honest, I'd often throw my winter coat over my nightgown or put on a nice house dress and kiss Seth good-bye. It's no longer like that. I need to put myself together, relatively speaking, since I'm out there in the company of others.

I'm discovering a whole new world of morning people. I used to be one of them. Ok....reluctantly.....but when I worked fulltime in NYC prior to motherhood, I got up early, commuted and even wore pantyhose (something I detest now). It was a daily routine, and I was used to it. I was also younger and had less responsibility.

These days, part of my challenge is that I often don't sleep soundly. Perhaps it's perimenopause? Or maybe the fact that my life feels so full (or overwhelming at times), that my mind is not at peace? Most like a combination.

All I know is that I typically wake up not feeling well-rested, and since I'm not a napper, I get through some days yearning for a good snooze (crossing my fingers that tonite will be a more restful night).

And, Seth is the energizer bunny. It will be interesting to see how he comes home as school becomes more demanding and then has to sit down and do homework. I'm told that in first grade a lot more is expected of them (and therefore the parents too).

Maybe I can learn to use the morning hours to my advantage? I heard that Michelle Obama rises at 5:30AM for her morning workout. But, then she also goes to bed early, and I fight doing that. I've always been a night person by nature. And, Seth too likes to stay up with me and watch a movie in bed. It's sweet.

School changes all that. He needs to get a good night sleep, even if I don't always.

I'll adjust. I have to. And, maybe I'll grow to appreciate the morning? There is a certain calmness about it that offers the promise of productivity and even renewed creativity. Your mind is clear before the day quickly takes over.

I've been looking at our local adult ed catalog to see if there is a morning class I might register for. It would be a new experience for me to be amongst people that early. To think there was a time in my life when I dealt with rush hour and was surrounded by office mates, feels like another lifetime ago. But, I am a people person, so I do miss the company you lack working from home.

I wonder how much conversation you can make while doing stomach crunches on an exercise ball? I am thinking that it might be fun to take a class that gets the blood pumping. I've never been a coffee drinker, so this could serve as my dose of caffeine, so to speak. It's just one idea.

Regardless, I am thrilled that so far Seth is liking his new school, teachers and classmates. At age six, he is really quite resilient. He transitions well. I commend him for that and look forward to seeing how the year unfolds for all of us. It will be a learning experience for everyone.

Lap Lessons - by Robin

I accomplished a goal this week...or "sort-of."

For those who follow my blog, I've written about my on-going mission to swim across my local pool this summer doing the freestyle stroke. I just learned to swim (I could previously only do the breast stroke and backstroke), and I never thought it would happen.

Up until last summer, I had no desire to ever put my head in the water. In fact, I dreaded it. The chlorine turned me off, and I just didn't have any interest. Swimming was not high on my to do list.

Things changed. As I watched swimmer after swimmer do laps...no matter their age....a lightbulb went off. I had to do it. I decided I wanted to one day be one of the seniors in the pool (G-d willing) doing laps. It struck me that swimming knows no age. Once you master it, it's yours, and what great exercise.


So, I bought my first pair of goggles. Hated them....got another pair that worked better for me. Tried a swim cap.....still don't love that....but now I at least tie my hair back.

I could only put my face in the water with a nose plug, which I really didn't like. With the help of a friend of one of the local lifeguards, he convinced me to try dropping the nose plug, and now I no longer need it.


So, this summer I tackled the pool determined to learn to swim...and I did! And, I'm told I have a nice stroke, that is feeling more 'n more natural to me. I'm in love.


The water clears my head and gets my heart pumping. I feel my arms working, and my back stretching, and it feels great.

Now I'm working on breathing. I'm getting there....but still have not mastered it.

As the summer nears the end....I've been a bit dismayed. I'm not confident that I'll be able to get the breathing down, therefore, I was making peace with the fact that I would not likely meet my goal of getting across the pool.


That changed yesterday. The head lifeguard at the pool, who has been so supportive and encouraging and helpful, suggested that I focus on just getting across, even if it means floating or swimming on my back a bit and then continuing the freestyle...but at least not stopping completely in the pool as I'd been doing at the 5 feet mark.


I tried that yesterday, but it felt somewhat awkward.


Today I got the idea that I could start out swimming freestyle and then switch to the breast stroke if need be (so I can breathe), and then go back to the freestyle.


Well...it worked! I did it! While I'm still not entirely comfortable in the deep water, I persevered. What an adrenaline rush!

And, it taught me a huge life lesson that I want to share with you.


No matter what your goal in life....if you can't get there exactly as you planned when you hoped for...perhaps there's another way to get there....even if it means shifting your goal a bit. And, if you can make strides that way, and you remain on your path, you will likely get what you ultimately aspire to do. Even if it take a bit longer, so what?! There's a lot to be said for the day-to-day achievement and to pat yourself on the back for how far you have come.


I'm a swimmer now....and who ever thought I'd call myself that?!


And, I can race my son in the pool and be an example to him of how it's never too late to learn something. Why says you can't teach an old dog (or later mom) new tricks?!


So....what's on your list that feels unattainable?! Go for it!! (and your kids will love you for it.)

The Hands of Time - by Robin

What kind of senior will I be?

It's a hard thing to anticipate. But, I do hope to live to a ripe old age (and hopefully have a "quality" life.) But, how do you define "quality" when you're elderly?

I watched my dad this past week during our annual family vacation, and it was an example of what I hope not to become. I hate to say it, but my dad yearns unrealistically to be 40 again. OK....maybe he'd settle for 60.....but certainly some age where he doesn't feel his age. (He's told often he doesn't look it....but that doesn't offer him much consolation.)

I've said to him on countless occasions...is it truly possible at almost age 91 to feel great?! Does anyone at that age?

I don't feel as I did when I was younger....at almost 50 (I choke when I type that number....though I'm not there yet.)

Ted Kennedy sadly just passed away at age 77 after a bout of brain cancer. That couldn't have been pleasant.

Dominick Dunne, author/journalist, passed away at age 83 from bladder cancer. No doubt also not a walk in the park.

What does my dad expect?! And thank G-d, my dad is not suffering from cancer. Much of his discomfort is the result of complications from surgeries in hindsight he didn't need to have and didn't benefit from. He does not have a disease...unless old age is considered such. I think it is, in his mind.

I can't condemn him for wanting to fight the hands of time. I guess most of us do. But, does that mean your days then become full of constant complaining....bringing down those around you....especially loved ones who try to be supportive to the best of their ability, but have their our challenging lives to lead? Isn't it still possible to find happiness despite physical imperfection? Or is it that from now on the glass is perpetually 1/2 empty? How do people live with chronic illness?

My beloved mom (who passed away at age 73), may she rest in peace, was not one to complain. Even if she was suffering, she always had the presence of mind to consider the other person and try not to fill their head with negativity. Afterall, attitude does affect healing. So, no one gains from incessant crankiness.

But, how does it feel to be really old?! On one hand, a person may be viewed as blessed to have lived such a full life. After all, disease knows no age, and plenty don't make it to 80+ and then some.

Should one just flat-out be appreciative? Or do you gain the right to complain more and more as the years pass? Is that what aging is about?

My dad has become a doctors dream...in that he frequents them. Though, he's not an easy patient since he complains of so much that I imagine they often don't know where to start. My husband jokes (though it's really not funny) and says that if my father didn't have good medical insurance, he'd learn to live with feeling less than up to par instead of constantly searching for a magic healing bullet.

I hate to put my father down. On one hand, I give him credit for practicing vigilant self care, but at times, it does feel self-absorbed. And, I miss him. I miss the dad who was there for me. I know he still loves and supports me, but the tables have turned. He is no longer my caretaker and can only lend a partial ear to hear what is going on in my life. He's quite caught up in his own daily existence.

I find myself often jealous of those who have parents who are truly there for them and will even watch their kids and do things with them. We have never had that. I wonder what that is like?

At the end of the day....I do love my dad....and miss my mom...and I hope that I don't one day become an emotional burden on my son. I really don't want to turn into a whiny curmudgeon. Perhaps having that awareness is a vital starting point.

School Approaching - by Robin

Where does the time go?

School will be here before you know it, and it's first grade for Seth.

Everyone says it's much more demanding than kindergarten. That remains to be seen. I'm crossing my fingers the homework isn't daunting.

It's been so nice having him come home from camp and just being able to chill. Some of the biggest challenges were creating a funky hairstyle for him for Wacky Wednesday and picking clothes in black 'n red for checkerboard day.

The whole after school homework thing is such a challenge for everyone.

And, now we're giving thought to after school activities.

There is no after class program for first graders at the school. So, two days we have enrolled him in a dropoff program similar to day care. But, what about the other days? Should we consider Hebrew School? (He has no interest in that.)

Two other mom friends have broached the subject of martial arts.

Another mentioned tennis.

How much and what to do? And, all this taking into consideration the demands of school itself.

We're not rushing into signing him up for anything as yet, but I do feel like I'd like to have a potential gameplan in mind.

I don't want to be one of those overscheduling moms. Kids need ample time to chill. But, it's tempting to sign them up for programs that seem cool, especially if their friends are doing it. I don't buy into the whole "keeping up with the Jones parenting thing," but it is easy to be influenced.

So, as I call up karate places, kids gyms, synagogues, etc. , we'll see what jumps out at us and Seth. If he had his way, he'd be happy staying home and watching Sponge Bob for hours after doing homework.

Pool Life Lessons - by Robin Gorman Newman

I'm so proud of Seth.

He passed the deep water swim test at camp this week, and it meant so much to him and all of us. We're going to go out for a celebratory dinner tonight. He didn't pass the first time, and I so admire his persistence and desire to make it happen. I don't think he ever doubted that eventually he would get there. He has the right attitude, and I hope he can ultimately apply it in all areas of his life.

We've been spending a lot of time at our local pool, in addition to him swimming at his day camp, and he's made huge progress. It's amazing to watch his development. From one day to the next, things he wouldn't do last week, he's now doing without fear, projecting total confidence. It's an inspiration.

I am learning to do laps myself this summer. Working on my breathing now, which has been a challenge. But, I know I'll get there.

Yesterday in the pool, I was speaking with a veteran swimmer who comes religiously the same time each day to swim for at least half an hour. I watch him with awe and aspire to follow in his swim strokes one day. We don't usually talk because he swims as if on a mission. But this time, we chatted a bit as he came up for air, and we got on the subject of kids and how it's ideal to learn to do certain things when you're young. Granted, not that I'm old at 48, but as he pointed out, the older you are, the more you might be riddled with fear. And, he's right. I don't have a comfort level in the deep water, though I'm working on it. And, I don't envision ever jumping off a diving board....though I never say never.

But, it's not just about swimming.

It's amazing how kids fully embrace most new experiences, and as adults, we might sometimes hem 'n haw over them, wondering how they fit into our expectations of what we think the experience will be like. And, if you're like me, it's so easy to over think a situation. And, nothing will instill more fear in you than what you conjure up before even embarking on the experience. You could love it and be totally surprised. If you had asked me a few years ago if I'd ever put my face in the water, I would have answered with a resounding "no."

I don't expect to learn to ski at this point in my life. Nor, do I have the desire.

I don't plan to jump out of a plane.

But, I do still yearn for new experiences. It's never too late to learn.

Perhaps snorkeling?

Taking an acting class?

Hmmm...what else?

What do you think about learning or trying something new at this point in your life?

One of my single love coaching clients told me this week that she might sign up for a tarot card reading class in the fall.

That sounds intriguing.

The possibilities for learning are endless.

Another mom I know is studying the Torah.

New experiences help keep life fresh.

I'm wondering what's next on my learning agenda.

How about you?

When It Rains, It Pours

When it rains it pours....literally.

It's been raining this whole week in NY, and my brain is water-logged.

This has been a trying time.

Seth was home sick with a virus/temperature.

He missed his "moving up" day for first grade.

Luckily he was well enough to attend his kindergarten ceremony/party in class. It was bittersweet.

We had no home phone service for four days due to the basement construction, which is truly challenging me, as I blogged previously.

Workers in the house daily. Decisions to be made. And, now we have a potential legal matter on our hands due to plumbing that turned up in the basement that was done not up to code (we didn't know) by a previous contractor who redid a bathroom for us. It has to be fixed for our current project to pass inspection, and we're looking at a $3,000 expense. The contractor was informed and dismissed it....so we may be looking at small claims court...which I hate to pursue.

Yesterday our home phone service was fixed, and I awoke this morning to a totally dead cell phone. I have no clue why. It won't even charge. It was fine when I went to bed last night.

Ok. I know in the scheme of things none of this is major. But, it adds up.

Seth has half a school day today, and we plan to see the movie UP with friends this afternoon.....after a visit to the Verizon store. The "upside" is that Seth loves that place, so it will be one more engaging activity for him today.

Is this rain gonna stop in time for Father's Day?! Would be nice to spend the day at our community pool and have dinner out. Not sure what we'll do if the weather doesn't hold up.

Ever feel like you just want to stay in bed and sleep for days?! That's kinda where I'm at at the moment, since I haven't been sleeping great all week due to visions of the basement floating through my mind.

I need a girls night out bad! Do you take the time to do that?

It's so important for us caretaking moms to make sure life doesn't feel overwhelmed with chores, tasks, responsibility, etc.

My birthday is in August...and while a ways away...I'm already giving some thought to what I might like to do.

This coming week is gonna be busy too. Seth starts camp June 29th, so I have to make sure he's prepared. And, he's got a ton of half days, so we have some pool playdates scheduled and a haircut. And, two birthday parties for friends of his in the next week.

Diverting for a moment....did you read the story on Newsday.com re: the 53 year old woman on Long Island who participated in a press conference yesterday at North Shore Hospital in NY, announcing she gave birth to twins using donor eggs and her husband's sperm. She wants to be an advocate for those who view their biological clock as ticking, so they can know it's possible to give birth, without complications, even in your 50s.

I thought...more power to her....twins at that age! G-d bless them all. As long as they're all in good health, that's what counts. I, personally, couldn't imagine. But, it's all what you want from life. The dad is 41.

Happy Father's Day to all the "later" dads out there!!

Lessons from the Basement

Bob the Builder Jr. is officially here.

My son went to town as the demolition crew struck ground in the basement yesterday. He put on his rain boots, gloves, grabbed his hammer and shovel and dug his heels in as he helped, after school, to scoop up the remains of the tile floor.

He was in all his glory, and I was consumed with emotion I didn't expect.

As much as I was not wedded to our basement, along with the rubble and remains arose feelings that caught me off guard.

I was chatting with my wise friend, Michele Laub, this morning. She is leading the Conscious Parenting Teleclass Series MotherhoodLater.com is sponsoring starting June 18th (details are posted on our home page.) And, she got me better understanding my thoughts.

It's amazing how you can want to hold on to the familiar, even when it needs an overhaul. Whether a relationship, job, home...or whatever it is. You hear stories all the time of people, for example, staying in abusive relationships, and I've often wondered why? Now I feel like I get it. Because you're used to it...for better or worse.

My basement is teaching me this.

I took pictures before the demolition started, but it frankly, blew my mind to see pieces tumbling down and for the entire basement remains to be loaded on a truck destined for the dump.

We are gutting our basement by choice. Even though it was finished, there wasn't much good about it except for the potential it held. The lighting was poor. Wires were coming out of the ceiling. Doors were falling off. Closet space was sparse. It was in some ways an actual hazard.

Once this project is done, I have no doubt it will look amazing. Our contractor is fastidious, as are the specialists he's called in. Today I met the electrician who seems really on the ball. We'll be "living" with these guys for at least six weeks, so it's good to have confidence.

I'm just a bit stunned re: my reaction. It took some strength for me last night to venture down to the basement to see the bare beams, vacant floor, stripped walls, etc. Everything I knew was gone.

It's letting go of the old and making way for the new. It's trusting that complete strangers will deliver what we hope for and more. It's relinquishing control, knowing that there will be unforeseen challenges along the way. (We lost cable and phone service part of today and yesterday.) It's having the faith that we'll willingly trust our guts and make the right decisions when there are choices.

It's seeing the excitement in my son's eyes as he rushes to exit the school bus and runs to the top of the stairs to check on the status of the project. It's knowing that we'll once again have our living room back as we move Seth's toys downstairs in what will be a terrific play space, not to mention the ample storage closets we anticipate. It's knowing I'll have a place for my books that I treasure that now occupy part of Seth's bookcase in his room because I have no other place to put them.

It's knowing that we've embarked on a major home renovation that will change our lives as a family for the better for years to come. I'm immensely grateful that we're in a position to do this, despite the economy, and I have every confidence it's an investment that is worth its weight in gold on many levels and will ultimately enhance the value of the house.

For now, I'm going to sit with the feelings the demolition has arisen in me, knowing as my beloved mom used to say, "this too shall pass."

Who knew that a basement would unearth so much and lead to a growth experience in more ways than one?!

Adulthood

The school year will soon come to a close. Amazing. Seth will be a kindergarten graduate before I blink my eyes.

This coming week is the orientation for the school he will enter in the fall. It's way larger than where he currently attends and feels so adult to me. How will it feel to him? It's hard to imagine my little guy...who's now really quite the big boy...navivating the long halls and staircases and continuing to create a life for himself separate and distinct from me.

But, isn't that what parenting is really all about? We moms do our best so our children can fly.

We've started a new routine in the house. I pick out Seth's clothes in the evening, or he chooses them in the morning, and then dresses himself. It saves time as we inevitably rush to prepare for the school bus, and it's one more step toward autonomy. Some days he takes the initiative. Other days, I help him. It's still kinda nice to be needed in that way.

Next week we are starting a major demolition/construction project in the house of our basement. A Bob the Builder wannabe when he's not aspiring to be a Rescue Hero or Power Ranger, Seth is chomping at the bit to get out his tool kit and go at it. The contractor said he'd take him under his wing, and Seth is totally thrilled and counting the days.

I, on the other hand, am counting the days this project will be complete. It's been 9 months in the making since we signed with the contractor who is much in demand. But, the end result will be worth it. Seth will have a fantastic playspace in the basement that he can grow into and use with friends even as a teenager. I look forward to regaining my living room and relocating the bulk of his toys downstairs. But, until completion day, there will be much stress and mess. And, workers daily in my house, which I don't embrace.

I was speaking with a friend earlier this week about life. A pretty broad subject to say the least. We were agreeing how sometimes it just feels so full and daunting. Jumping from task to task...responsibility to responsibility. So many details, things to handle, etc. I have days where I wish I weren't an adult. Know what I mean? There's something to be said, on a certain level, for being taken care of when things feel overwhelming.

I hope Seth enjoys his childhood to the fullest and doesn't wish the years away before he grows up. He speaks about his adult aspirations, i.e. having a wife and family and SUV with a television and living in our house (he would like us to move out when he's grown up so he can have it) and be a fireman or some other profession where he can help people.

Though at age 6, he likes to do things for himself, there are times when no one does it like a mom. And, I'm glad to be there for him. He'll be "my little guy" forever in my heart.

Kissing Bandit

Today caught me by surprise.

I was on the phone long distance with a friend who is so wise...a former teacher...with a dedicated spiritual practice...when my call waiting kicked in. I quickly picked up, and it was the father of a girl in my son's class who was over the top upset with the fact that he learned his daughter and my son had kissed in school.

I had no knowledge of the situation. Hadn't heard a word about it. So I told him I'd have to call him back. I shared with my friend what transpired, and it led to an interesting discussion about people's upbringings and belief systems. I will blog about that another time....but in a nutshell....part of what she shared is that people come to parenting with what they experienced when they were being brought up. Sure, they may have formed their own beliefs separate and distinct from those of their parents, but their foundation is that of their parents...for better or worse.

I called Seth's teacher as fast as I could. She was at lunch break. I anxiously waited to hear from her so I could get the lowdown.

When she called back, she explained that she hadn't phoned me herself to discuss it because the incident happened earlier this week, and the children had been spoken to, understood, and the teachers were keeping an eye out. If she thought it was an on-going issue, she would have let me know.

I called the girl's father back and told him I had spoken with the teacher and that I'd chat with Seth after school today. The father felt it was highly inappropriate behavior.

I have to say I had a mixed feeling. While I don't endorse the kids kissing on the lips, which is apparently what happened, they are six years old. It was innocent. They are friends. My son is highly respectful. I also know that Seth isn't a big kisser other than to his family....a hugger yes.....so I was kinda surprised to hear about this. I wondered who actually made the first move?

I had a talk with Seth when he got home. He was embarassed and said his teacher already spoke to him and he understood. I told him I wasn't mad, and that kissing on the lips isn't great for kids because it can spread germs. It's great to have a good friend and there are other ways to express that you care about someone.

I work as a Love Coach for singles (http://www.lovecoach.com/), and little did I know I'd be putting on both my mom and Love Coach hat at the same time with my Kindergarten age son.

PS -- Check out the March contest on http://www.motherhoodlater.com/. It features a great giveaway courtesy of The Organized Parent -- http://www.theorganizedparent.com/.

PPS - Also...if you're a mom in NY, http://www.motherhoodlater.com/ is hosting an Enlightened Parenting workshop starting April 22nd. Write to the email on MotherhoodLater.com for details.