Lap Lessons - by Robin

I accomplished a goal this week...or "sort-of."

For those who follow my blog, I've written about my on-going mission to swim across my local pool this summer doing the freestyle stroke. I just learned to swim (I could previously only do the breast stroke and backstroke), and I never thought it would happen.

Up until last summer, I had no desire to ever put my head in the water. In fact, I dreaded it. The chlorine turned me off, and I just didn't have any interest. Swimming was not high on my to do list.

Things changed. As I watched swimmer after swimmer do laps...no matter their age....a lightbulb went off. I had to do it. I decided I wanted to one day be one of the seniors in the pool (G-d willing) doing laps. It struck me that swimming knows no age. Once you master it, it's yours, and what great exercise.


So, I bought my first pair of goggles. Hated them....got another pair that worked better for me. Tried a swim cap.....still don't love that....but now I at least tie my hair back.

I could only put my face in the water with a nose plug, which I really didn't like. With the help of a friend of one of the local lifeguards, he convinced me to try dropping the nose plug, and now I no longer need it.


So, this summer I tackled the pool determined to learn to swim...and I did! And, I'm told I have a nice stroke, that is feeling more 'n more natural to me. I'm in love.


The water clears my head and gets my heart pumping. I feel my arms working, and my back stretching, and it feels great.

Now I'm working on breathing. I'm getting there....but still have not mastered it.

As the summer nears the end....I've been a bit dismayed. I'm not confident that I'll be able to get the breathing down, therefore, I was making peace with the fact that I would not likely meet my goal of getting across the pool.


That changed yesterday. The head lifeguard at the pool, who has been so supportive and encouraging and helpful, suggested that I focus on just getting across, even if it means floating or swimming on my back a bit and then continuing the freestyle...but at least not stopping completely in the pool as I'd been doing at the 5 feet mark.


I tried that yesterday, but it felt somewhat awkward.


Today I got the idea that I could start out swimming freestyle and then switch to the breast stroke if need be (so I can breathe), and then go back to the freestyle.


Well...it worked! I did it! While I'm still not entirely comfortable in the deep water, I persevered. What an adrenaline rush!

And, it taught me a huge life lesson that I want to share with you.


No matter what your goal in life....if you can't get there exactly as you planned when you hoped for...perhaps there's another way to get there....even if it means shifting your goal a bit. And, if you can make strides that way, and you remain on your path, you will likely get what you ultimately aspire to do. Even if it take a bit longer, so what?! There's a lot to be said for the day-to-day achievement and to pat yourself on the back for how far you have come.


I'm a swimmer now....and who ever thought I'd call myself that?!


And, I can race my son in the pool and be an example to him of how it's never too late to learn something. Why says you can't teach an old dog (or later mom) new tricks?!


So....what's on your list that feels unattainable?! Go for it!! (and your kids will love you for it.)

Pool Life Lessons - by Robin Gorman Newman

I'm so proud of Seth.

He passed the deep water swim test at camp this week, and it meant so much to him and all of us. We're going to go out for a celebratory dinner tonight. He didn't pass the first time, and I so admire his persistence and desire to make it happen. I don't think he ever doubted that eventually he would get there. He has the right attitude, and I hope he can ultimately apply it in all areas of his life.

We've been spending a lot of time at our local pool, in addition to him swimming at his day camp, and he's made huge progress. It's amazing to watch his development. From one day to the next, things he wouldn't do last week, he's now doing without fear, projecting total confidence. It's an inspiration.

I am learning to do laps myself this summer. Working on my breathing now, which has been a challenge. But, I know I'll get there.

Yesterday in the pool, I was speaking with a veteran swimmer who comes religiously the same time each day to swim for at least half an hour. I watch him with awe and aspire to follow in his swim strokes one day. We don't usually talk because he swims as if on a mission. But this time, we chatted a bit as he came up for air, and we got on the subject of kids and how it's ideal to learn to do certain things when you're young. Granted, not that I'm old at 48, but as he pointed out, the older you are, the more you might be riddled with fear. And, he's right. I don't have a comfort level in the deep water, though I'm working on it. And, I don't envision ever jumping off a diving board....though I never say never.

But, it's not just about swimming.

It's amazing how kids fully embrace most new experiences, and as adults, we might sometimes hem 'n haw over them, wondering how they fit into our expectations of what we think the experience will be like. And, if you're like me, it's so easy to over think a situation. And, nothing will instill more fear in you than what you conjure up before even embarking on the experience. You could love it and be totally surprised. If you had asked me a few years ago if I'd ever put my face in the water, I would have answered with a resounding "no."

I don't expect to learn to ski at this point in my life. Nor, do I have the desire.

I don't plan to jump out of a plane.

But, I do still yearn for new experiences. It's never too late to learn.

Perhaps snorkeling?

Taking an acting class?

Hmmm...what else?

What do you think about learning or trying something new at this point in your life?

One of my single love coaching clients told me this week that she might sign up for a tarot card reading class in the fall.

That sounds intriguing.

The possibilities for learning are endless.

Another mom I know is studying the Torah.

New experiences help keep life fresh.

I'm wondering what's next on my learning agenda.

How about you?

Another's Shoes

I feel like I have a new lease on domesticity at the moment.

We are construction free today....and looks like tomorrow as well.

As much as we want our long-awaited basement construction project to continue moving along, I am thrilled. Elated, actually...to be getting a temporary respite.

I had no idea what this experience would entail before we broke ground. Kinda reminds me of parenting and having surgery. I found myself likening it to both the other day when venting to a friend.

It's funny how almost everyone will say things like: It's just your basement. It's gonna be so great. At least it's not an upper floor. Better in summer than winter. Etc.

Their goal is to comfort you, but it doesn't necessarily work unless they've lived it. No matter what they say, until you have the same or at least a very similar experience, you truly don't know what it's like to walk in that person's shoes.

We can anticipate an experience all we like and conjure up images of what we think it will be...or what we hope it will be...but until it's here, you really don't know.

I'm not saying that becoming a mom is like taking a jackhammer to the floor or putting up sheetrock, but it is a huge unknown until you're in it. And, no doubt has possibly conjured up feelings and emotions you didn't see coming.

And, think about it. If you've ever had a surgery (which I have), there can be unforeseen matters in the recovery and beyond that doctors don't always advise you of.

My house is having surgery at present. We've already had days without phone service, cable problems, plumbing challenges, extra expenses, and we're not that far along yet. No one said to expect this, though knowing what I know now, it does seem somewhat inevitable.

I know I'll get through it. My son is loving it....as I wrote previously...he's a Bob the Builder in the making.

My husband is fairly tolerant of it. But, he's in his office all day outside of the home. Me, I feel like the ringleader for all of the various workers whose personal lives I'm gradually getting to know. While I have no desire to walk in the work boots of these men, I do give them credit for putting in hard days of manual labor, often in a quest to provide for their families, I have learned. And, given the state of the economy, most are grateful to be employed at this time, even if on a project basis.

I'm looking out my kitchen window as I write this. They predict on 'n off thunderstorms today. I've been debating if I might take a quick run over to the local pool and get in a quick swim before I head to the gym. But, it's somewhat overcast here in NY. I do yearn, though, to walk in my beach sandals at the moment. These are the only shoes I care to wear for now. So, we'll see if the clouds drift away.

One Great Child

I was at the pool over the holiday weekend, and someone from my community, who I don't know, spotted Seth in the pool and asked if he was my only one?

I found myself feeling defensive. Not just for myself as a mom, but protective in a sense for Seth. I quickly and thoughtfully responded, "Why do people say only one? As if he's not enough. I prefer to think of it as I am the mom to 'one great child.'"

I asked if he had any children. He took a moment, and interestingly responded, "I have one great child."

I laughed. He smiled.

It got me thinking. Why is it that one of the most common questions from complete strangers is, is he your only one? And, it often feels like it's said with a grain of sadness, as if the child is deprived.

Where did the phrase Only Child come from to begin with?

In my circle of "later mom" friends, there are many with one child. And, we don't think of ourselves or our children as lacking. I am grateful for my one son.

I know there are many discussions re: the pros and cons of being an only child. And, there are those of the school of thought that a child should have a sibling to grow up and old with. Especially so if they are conscious of their own mortality as a later mom. But, in my book, there is no guarantee siblings will be close, and I don't feel any more pressure as a later mom. It's not just blood that cements a relationship through the years.

I have many friends, for whatever reason, who are only children, and none are sad. They are cool, accomplished women, with a strong circle of friends who they cherish, perhaps even more so because they don't have a sibling. Most are close to extended family members as well. Each has successfully made their way in the world, despite having grown up as an only child.

It is a very personal decision to have children to begin with. And, on top of it, how many you would like to raise is another oh so personal question.

Newsweek recently ran a thought-provoking article entitled "Who Says Kids Make You Happy?" by Lorraine Ali. It's worth a read.

Some couples or individuals choose to live a child-free existance altogether. Does that make them selfish? Some might say. But, who is to say?

So, whether you choose to parent one child or more or none at all, there is more than one way to live a fulfilled life.

I have no doubt my son will grow into a happy adult who will find his personal path. And, despite being raised with no siblings, he will not want. He knows he is loved, and that is the most important thing a "later" or any parent can provide.

Challenging Myself

I am on the path to adventure and self discovery....at least for the moment.....and hopefully longer. And, who would have thought that motherhood later in life would bring it out in me.

Being the mom to a busy four year old boy has always kept me on my 40 something toes, but these days, I feel like those toes are reaching higher.

Seth has been off from camp, and school hasn't started yet, so all last week, Seth & I became pool rats (we have one in our community). Not only did we have a blast, but I took on a personal challenge.

After days of eyeing the deep end of the pool, I took the plunge. I swam where I could no longer stand. I realize for some that this is no great feat, but for someone who isn't a confident swimmer (except on my back), this was an accomplishment. I applauded my effort and am now contemplating taking swimming lessons to actually be able to do laps doing the crawl stroke.

Yesterday, we spent the day with friends at Splish Splash in Riverhead, NY. Most of the time we watched Seth and his friend play in the kiddie area. As the day went on, we decided to all take one of the raft rides. It's something I never would have done on my own, but the spirit (and my friends) moved me. While I screamed throughout, it resonated like shouts of accomplishment.

My friend and I were chatting about it afterwards and the whole notion of adventure. We were commenting how as our boys get older, they will want to do more things, and this may spur us to become increasingly bolder ourself. We want to be able to rise to the occasion, and share the fun with our kids, which means pushing our comfort levels. This is not a bad thing. And, I can see how people get an adrenaline rush when you step out of your comfort zone. My friend, Fran, who has a teenage son, lives a life dedicated to adventure, and she has quite an impressive number of experiences under her belt. While I'm not looking to swim with dolphins, as she has done, there must be other things I could try.

I'm now asking around to see what others aspire to do.

How about you? Do you challenge yourself, and what is on your to do list to further your personal growth?

40 Something Birthday Quandry

My birthday is Saturday, and I don't know how to celebrate. We leave on vacation on Sunday, so there is much to do to prepare, but I don't want to lose sight of my special day.

Growing up, I was always super sensitive about my birthdays. I recall one year my parents gave me presents in advance of my official day, and I got all upset because they came early.

This year for some reason, while I want to celebrate, I don't feel so hung up on having to do something super special. I originally thought I might go into Manhattan, shop around, and meet up with my husband and Seth for dinner. But, now I'm thinking, that maybe I'll just chill with them at our community pool and eat out some place local that I either love or have been wanting to try.

I was chatting with a mom friend about it today who said her husband has a 50th birthday approaching, and she wondered what to do. I'm not as yet at that milestone, but it got me thinking about how I'd want to celebrate when my time comes. Would I want to host a splashy affair, or celebrate in a more low key fashion? Or perhaps go on a fabulous trip, with Seth and Marc, if Seth is mature enough. He will be 7 then.

Lots to think about, and I certainly don't want to rush the years away. Part of me can't believe that one day I'll actually be 50. I don't know where the time goes. But, I do want to enjoy my time and to especially treasure Seth's younger years.

So....maybe for my birthday this year I don't need to really focus on myself. Perhaps I can enjoy the afternoon with Seth and Marc, just spending quality family time....as long as I get to pick the restaurant. I refuse to eat in Seth's favorite dinner spot, our local diner. I draw the birthday line there. And, if I do choose to indulge in dessert, I want my birthday ice cream sundae with the works...hot fudge, cherry, etc. I can burn off some calories playing around with Seth in the pool. And, no doubt I'll get more cardio on vacation, chasing him.