One Great Child

I was at the pool over the holiday weekend, and someone from my community, who I don't know, spotted Seth in the pool and asked if he was my only one?

I found myself feeling defensive. Not just for myself as a mom, but protective in a sense for Seth. I quickly and thoughtfully responded, "Why do people say only one? As if he's not enough. I prefer to think of it as I am the mom to 'one great child.'"

I asked if he had any children. He took a moment, and interestingly responded, "I have one great child."

I laughed. He smiled.

It got me thinking. Why is it that one of the most common questions from complete strangers is, is he your only one? And, it often feels like it's said with a grain of sadness, as if the child is deprived.

Where did the phrase Only Child come from to begin with?

In my circle of "later mom" friends, there are many with one child. And, we don't think of ourselves or our children as lacking. I am grateful for my one son.

I know there are many discussions re: the pros and cons of being an only child. And, there are those of the school of thought that a child should have a sibling to grow up and old with. Especially so if they are conscious of their own mortality as a later mom. But, in my book, there is no guarantee siblings will be close, and I don't feel any more pressure as a later mom. It's not just blood that cements a relationship through the years.

I have many friends, for whatever reason, who are only children, and none are sad. They are cool, accomplished women, with a strong circle of friends who they cherish, perhaps even more so because they don't have a sibling. Most are close to extended family members as well. Each has successfully made their way in the world, despite having grown up as an only child.

It is a very personal decision to have children to begin with. And, on top of it, how many you would like to raise is another oh so personal question.

Newsweek recently ran a thought-provoking article entitled "Who Says Kids Make You Happy?" by Lorraine Ali. It's worth a read.

Some couples or individuals choose to live a child-free existance altogether. Does that make them selfish? Some might say. But, who is to say?

So, whether you choose to parent one child or more or none at all, there is more than one way to live a fulfilled life.

I have no doubt my son will grow into a happy adult who will find his personal path. And, despite being raised with no siblings, he will not want. He knows he is loved, and that is the most important thing a "later" or any parent can provide.

Challenging Myself

I am on the path to adventure and self discovery....at least for the moment.....and hopefully longer. And, who would have thought that motherhood later in life would bring it out in me.

Being the mom to a busy four year old boy has always kept me on my 40 something toes, but these days, I feel like those toes are reaching higher.

Seth has been off from camp, and school hasn't started yet, so all last week, Seth & I became pool rats (we have one in our community). Not only did we have a blast, but I took on a personal challenge.

After days of eyeing the deep end of the pool, I took the plunge. I swam where I could no longer stand. I realize for some that this is no great feat, but for someone who isn't a confident swimmer (except on my back), this was an accomplishment. I applauded my effort and am now contemplating taking swimming lessons to actually be able to do laps doing the crawl stroke.

Yesterday, we spent the day with friends at Splish Splash in Riverhead, NY. Most of the time we watched Seth and his friend play in the kiddie area. As the day went on, we decided to all take one of the raft rides. It's something I never would have done on my own, but the spirit (and my friends) moved me. While I screamed throughout, it resonated like shouts of accomplishment.

My friend and I were chatting about it afterwards and the whole notion of adventure. We were commenting how as our boys get older, they will want to do more things, and this may spur us to become increasingly bolder ourself. We want to be able to rise to the occasion, and share the fun with our kids, which means pushing our comfort levels. This is not a bad thing. And, I can see how people get an adrenaline rush when you step out of your comfort zone. My friend, Fran, who has a teenage son, lives a life dedicated to adventure, and she has quite an impressive number of experiences under her belt. While I'm not looking to swim with dolphins, as she has done, there must be other things I could try.

I'm now asking around to see what others aspire to do.

How about you? Do you challenge yourself, and what is on your to do list to further your personal growth?

40 Something Birthday Quandry

My birthday is Saturday, and I don't know how to celebrate. We leave on vacation on Sunday, so there is much to do to prepare, but I don't want to lose sight of my special day.

Growing up, I was always super sensitive about my birthdays. I recall one year my parents gave me presents in advance of my official day, and I got all upset because they came early.

This year for some reason, while I want to celebrate, I don't feel so hung up on having to do something super special. I originally thought I might go into Manhattan, shop around, and meet up with my husband and Seth for dinner. But, now I'm thinking, that maybe I'll just chill with them at our community pool and eat out some place local that I either love or have been wanting to try.

I was chatting with a mom friend about it today who said her husband has a 50th birthday approaching, and she wondered what to do. I'm not as yet at that milestone, but it got me thinking about how I'd want to celebrate when my time comes. Would I want to host a splashy affair, or celebrate in a more low key fashion? Or perhaps go on a fabulous trip, with Seth and Marc, if Seth is mature enough. He will be 7 then.

Lots to think about, and I certainly don't want to rush the years away. Part of me can't believe that one day I'll actually be 50. I don't know where the time goes. But, I do want to enjoy my time and to especially treasure Seth's younger years.

So....maybe for my birthday this year I don't need to really focus on myself. Perhaps I can enjoy the afternoon with Seth and Marc, just spending quality family time....as long as I get to pick the restaurant. I refuse to eat in Seth's favorite dinner spot, our local diner. I draw the birthday line there. And, if I do choose to indulge in dessert, I want my birthday ice cream sundae with the works...hot fudge, cherry, etc. I can burn off some calories playing around with Seth in the pool. And, no doubt I'll get more cardio on vacation, chasing him.