Breaking Point -- by Robin

What a week this has been.

A true sandwich generation experience in every sense of the word....both positive and challenging.....which I guess is the essence of this time in my life.

Don't get me wrong. I am immensely grateful on some levels to be here. I adore my son and love my senior dad. I treasure my time with both of them. And, I fully recognize that moments can be fleeting, so I strive to take it all in. But, at the same time, it can wear one out. Especially a 40 something peri-menopausal mom.

Seth had school break this week, and my 91 year old dad went in for an angiogram. And, I, myself, have this lingering cold and went on antibiotic....since I had a bout with pneumonia back in November.

Other than one scheduled playdate for Seth, we've pretty much been winging our plans each day. I've taken him to the gym with me and discovered that we can have a good time throwing the 4 lb. medicine ball to each other. He's actually quite strong and agile, and I love that he loves to exercise and strive for good health. Yesterday, we spent a record three hours at the gym, and he didn't want to leave. Part of that time was spent with him perched on one of the Nautilus machines he designated as a fire truck, as he proceeded to save me and others at the gym from pretend fires. His imagination never ceases to intrigue me.

Last night for dinner, we baked a surprisingly good homemade pizza from scratch.

And, we've done food shopping and other errands, including putting the finishing touches on his upcoming 7th birthday parties in class and at Progressive Gymnastics East.

While all this was underway this week, my dad stayed overnight at the hospital, and his cardiologist called me while I was at the gym, as I endeavored to stay as calm as I could...when really I was anything but. My dad years ago had triple bypass and at a later date had stents put in. Now it seems that more stents are in order and that he will have to return to the hospital for the procedure. The cardiologist is being extra cautious, given his age, and wants to carefully review the films of his last angiogram three years ago before potentially moving forward. I respect this, though I hate to see my dad have to go back to the hospital again.

I was near tears last night when Seth decided to draw a book that showed grandpa in the hospital. He's a child who feels deeply. He always has.

I spoke to my dad upon his return home, and he sounded worn. A night in the hospital can do that to you, but he's also been through a lot in life in general. And, sometimes I think he feels it's enough when his body fails him in ways he's never experienced. Aging isn't easy. I wouldn't say he's lost his will to live, but he does feel he lacks a quality life. He's frustrated on a daily basis, and it's a hard thing to hear. I want better for him.

A mom I know said to me this week that she's realizing more and more the need not to put off things. She just helped hire an aide for her in-laws and sees them having physical challenges they never used to.

My husband's best friend's wife lost her 80 something mother a month ago, and earlier this week, her brother in his late 50s unexpectedly passed away. Life can be fragile. I'm receiving that message from the universe loud 'n clear.

I've just begun to read Devotion, a new book by Dani Shapiro, and from the book jacket copy alone, I can so relate to the essence of her motivation to write this memoir. It says...."In her midforties and settled into the responsibilities and routines of adulthood, Dani Shapiro found herself with more questions than answers. Was this all life was -- a hodgepodge of errands, dinner dates, e-mails, meetings, to-do lists? What did it all mean?"

I do know that I need a little break before I reach my breaking point. In April, the next school vacation, I may go away with Seth. Marc, my husband, can't take time off then due to tax season. So, it would be my first time just with Seth away from home. It would be fun to go visit a close friend. I could use some quality gal pal time, laughs, heartfelt in-person chats, and a change of atmosphere.

I pray that my dad's potential stent procedure won't be during that period.

Sweet Mommy & Me Time -- by Robin

I just have to share...Seth lost his two front baby teeth....and it's a precious sight. He would kill me if I posted a current photo of him here...but trust me....his toothless grin is one that I'm trying my best to capture and preserve for posterity. I took a ton of photos when he was in the bath earlier this week. Surprisingly, he cooperated and grinned from ear to ear. He has always, for the most part, embraced the camera and looks great in photos (we've been told he could model), but every now 'n then he gets into a mood and bans picture taking of any kind.

This week was parent teacher meetings, so he had half a day before Thanksgiving. (We meet with his teachers next week.) I didn't make any particular plans for us, other than knowing I planned to take him to buy ice skates. He's been on the ice three times thus far (once for a lesson) in the last two weeks , and is totally in his element there. I must confess, I personally much prefer sitting by the fireplace outside the rink with a good book. So, if my husband and I take him, I dart back 'n forth between the rink and cozy sitting place. I'm torn because I want to watch Seth make skating strides, yet the chill combined with lack of seating isn't my thing.

In the past I have stressed a bit knowing Seth is off from school....feeling the need to make plans to keep him busy. ..whether I schedule a playdate or something else. This time, I just let it go, and the end result was a nice one. Seth was quite content for a long time to play in the house, and he was excited in the skate store to watch the owner sharpen the skate blades. (Seth has always been very mechanical.) After that, we did a couple of errands...and he picked out a cute Hanukkah gift at Rite Aide for one of his cousins. I was very touched that he thought of her. He's a big-hearted kid.

He was happy when I agreed to take him to the local pizza place for dinner. And, afterwards (my husband worked late), we watched a movie on cable together. It was really a pleasant afternoon, and Seth was good company. I treasure times like this.

He wasn't ansi and asking, as he sometimes does over 'n over again, what are we doing? And, I wasn't anxious about needing to respond in a strategic fashion. I'm not a mom who overschedules her child. I think downtime is important...you have to know your child. But, that said, Seth often likes to be on the go, so balance becomes essential. And, I can't always anticipate the mood he'll be in in terms of wanting to be home to play or not.

I'm just grateful that on this given day, we had really nice mommy & me time, and if I can look forward to that on his other upcoming days off, our time together will be all sweeter.

Hope you & your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed the time off together!!