Keeping Up with the Mother Joneses

I've never considered myself a competitive person. An achiever....yes. Driven.....yes. Perfectionist at times....sure (not that I've succeeded at that, or should want to). Control freak. I do like things a certain way, I admit.

Well, that and more, needs to be abandoned when it comes to parenting, I'm quickly learning.

And, the other thing that I'm learning is not to compare myself or my child to others.

No book comes with parenting, though plenty are written on the subject. When Seth was little, I used to peruse some of them. These days I have little time for that and would sooner reach out to a parenting expert or seasoned mom friend who has been there, done that.

I did both recently after a chat with a mom friend that left me thinking...a lot.

She was speaking about a series of well-regarded books a friend had recommended as learning tools to teach your child when they are very young. And, she applauded how a couple of moms, in particular, who she knows, have used them with their children to teach them to read at a young age, etc.

I wondered what Seth is supposed to be capable of at this time. I spoke with his teacher who said he is progressing as he should in terms of knowing/writing letters, names, numbers, etc. But, I thought, is this enough? Should I be doing more? As a parent, we want our children to succeed. We have high aspirations for them and want to know that we're doing/have done our best.

No doubt there are varying schools of thought on this subject. But, there is something to be said for letting a child be a child. Sure academics are important, and school does seem WAY demanding these days, but quality play time is essential too. And, according to a parenting expert I well respect and have consulted with, at the age of 5, allowing your child's imagination to soar through creative play is something to strive for.

We can expose them to new experiences, and endeavor to share what we think is cool about the world. And, that is important. But, ultimately, they are their own person with interests, strengths, challenges, etc. that we can do our best to support and nuture...and they may not coincide with ours. But, that's ok.

One day our kids will fly on their own, and their childhood should be just that. A time of fun, games, love...and certainly learning...but it shouldn't be about "keeping up with the mother jones." And, I'm not saying that this mom friend or others I know view parenting as a contest. I'm just speaking for myself in that I need to...and want to... focus on Seth and his uniqueness...and let his natural abilities soar. Comparing him will surely not do either of us any good.

Retreating from Motherhood

I was speaking with a friend today about the weekend we are about to go on together and our hopes for what it might be. We have signed up for the moms retreat upstate NY, with both Motherhood Later and other moms not from the group.

It's at a place called Peace Village, where the emphasis is on meditation, balance, and living a fulfilled life. This particular weekend, which I helped to plan, is for moms to rejuvenate, learn how spiritual pursuits can enhance their lives, get parenting advice, share....and take a break from home responsibility....without the children (unless you opted for childcare).

We are looking forward, and at the same time, it feels a bit odd....in a way....like I'm fleeing or "retreating" from Seth. I know I shouldn't look at it that way. It's just two nights. But, it's weird when you feel guiltily psyched to take a break from motherhood. Although, a big part of the weekend will focus on discussing it, so I'm hardly vanishing the thought from my mind...but I won't have to change pull-ups, etc.

I am really curious to see what other moms have to say in this communal setting. To let it all hang out, so to speak, in a safe, nurturing environment. It will be freeing to empower each other to lose the guilt, and feel a sense of entitlement to self care, whether physical or mental.

Peace Village is a casual, rustic, no frills place, so I don't have to dress to impress which is good. The friend I was chatting with compared it to Club Getaway, where I used to go when I was single. Boy, does that feel like a lifetime ago.

I know there is another person underneath the mom personna I now own, and I hope to recapture her a bit this weekend and bring her home to stay as best I can. Keep your fingers crossed for me (and all us moms), and I'll let you know if she emerged..........