How Does Your Garden Grow -- by Cara Meyers

Back in May, my son’s school had a Plant Sale to raise money for the PTA. I offered to volunteer at the Plant Sale that day to not only help with the sale, but to also be there when my son’s class came to buy plants. I wanted to help guide him towards plants I knew would grow well in our garden, especially considering that the amount of sunlight in certain parts of the garden was pretty minimal at best.

I took him to the shade loving plants. No interest. I took him to the flats of impatiens and petunias and suggested we plant them in containers in the sunnier parts of our yard. He barely gazed at the beautiful flowers. He was on a mission. He wanted to buy a vegetable plant. A specific vegetable plant. A tomato plant.

My heart sank. How would we be able to grow a vegetable plant that required quite a bit of sunlight in a garden that was almost pure shade? No amount of reasoning would do. He HAD to buy that tomato plant! I relented and let him buy the tomato plant. And a cucumber plant too. My heart was hurting for him knowing he would be so disappointed when his plants didn’t fair well in our shady garden. But he was beaming! He was going to grow tomatoes! And cucumbers! He could hardly contain himself! He couldn’t wait to come home from school to plant them!
I was despondent. This little boy planted his tomato and cucumber plants all by himself using a plastic sand shovel. He lugged the watering can full of water to the plants, making sure not to “drown” them. My heart was heavy knowing that his plants would most likely not make it. I would be surprised if they grew much at all.

Then came an unusually cold and extremely wet June. My son kept checking on his plants. They were not growing much. He would talk to them and water them (even though it had been raining practically every day!). He kept asking me how long it would take to get the tomatoes to grow and the cucumbers to appear. I didn’t have an answer other than, “Let’s wait and see. As the weather gets warmer, maybe the plants will grow some more.” But I wasn’t hopeful. Even the impatiens and petunias I bought and planted myself looked “leggy” and waterlogged. My heart was hurting for my little boy.

We had pretty much forgotten about the vegetable plants until a big storm blew a large tree branch onto my son’s tomato plant last week. I couldn’t believe my eyes! This plant was not a plant anymore, it was a huge bush! And once my husband and I staked it up, we saw about a dozen bright red, cherry tomatoes! I wanted to jump up and down! My son would be so delighted when he came home from camp!

When he arrived home, I walked him over to the tomato “bush.” He saw the tomatoes and ran to get a container to collect them! He delicately picked all the ripe ones in the front, but in trying to reach the ones in the back, I had to move a cucumber leaf. There, staring up at us was this beautiful, perfect green cucumber, ready to be picked! I was astonished! Under the worst conditions, the vegetables still grew! And all my son could say was, “See Mommy! They grew! You just have to know how to take care of them!” It made me think of how well I was faring as a parent. Even under some of the worst conditions, my child thrives. Even when I least expect it, he flourishes. All I could think of was how true he was...how true he was!

Mom Meltdown

I had a total mom meltdown yesterday.

I feel like I'm 48 going on 8.

My son had a playdate here. It was supposed to be at a friend's house, but plans got changed last minute, and they wound up at our house. It was the second playdate with this particular friend, and I wanted to be a good host. This was a drop-off, and the mom was going to hang with me a bit when she came to pick her up after two hours.

I have to confess. Playdates here are often not fun for me. On one level, I love seeing kids playing happily and creatively. On another level, when it becomes a "playdate gone wild," I ultimately crack. Not during the playdate, but afterwards, when I have to do battle with my son to do clean-up. That's when "mommy maid" emerges and I get completely fed up. And, yesterday, I really lost it.

We are planning to gut our basement in the few months and redo the whole thing, complete with a play room area, etc. But, until then, our living room (we don't have a den), has taken on a life of its own with Seth's many toys piled up in nooks 'n crannies. I wouldn't mind so much, except that many have teeny tiny pieces which are in a huge disaray, so they basically look like a pile of junk, and Seth treats them that way.

On top of it, in the last week, he's lost three things. A toy spy kit. Belt. And stuffed musical dog we gave him for Valentine's Day. Amazingly we did find them all....but I'm tired of playing scavenger hunt for his things.

I've broached the subject of "patience" with members of motherhoodlater.com at get togethers we've had. I truly feel I have less patience as a 40 something mom. I told my husband when he came home from work yesterday that I "need to get out of here!!" And, I meant it...but it's easier said than done. I could have jumped on a plane that moment....quickly packed a bag.....and flown off to...I don't know where...but someplace where I could just be Robin and put aside my mommy role temporarily.

Maybe I'm having a mid life crisis? Is this what they're like? I know I'm perimenopausal. With hormones in fluctuation, that's bound to affect one's moods. I get that. So, is that what this is? Or maybe it was just a particularly challenging playdate and I'll get over it? I am entitled to have these moments.

I was speaking with a close friend on the phone today who said that she's been in a funk of late...and it's not like her to say that. She's one of the most upbeat people I know.

Could it be Mercury Retrograde perhaps? Some kind of misalignment with the stars? Hmmmm....something in the air?

Today I felt somewhat better. In my fit of fury last night, Seth & I dumped some of this toys...three garbage bags full...and that was therapeutic for me....and good for him as well. Toy clutter leads to a total lack of appreciation, and he can't focus or even decide what to play with.

This afternoon, we went to a playspace with two other mom friends and their sons. I didn't love it....the music was blaring.....it was pricey for what it was.....and the seating wasn't comfortable or so readily available. But, Seth had fun. In the end, that's what counts.

It does get to be hard sometimes as a mom compromising your own comfort, etc. for the sake of your child. I fully realize that this is what moms do...but it doesn't mean it's easy. We just rise to the occasion.

Monday, Seth will be back in school (he was off this whole week), and I'll be in his classroom. I was invited to make an appearance as an author and to share my experiences writing books. I'm looking forward to that. It reminds me of how at a very young age, I aspired to be a writer, and would actually create my own kids books, complete with illustrations. I plan to bring in some as a show 'n tell. And, then I'm hosting a little party in his classroom since his 6th birthday is Tuesday.

Time flies. Six already. Wow! And, as my friend reminded me today after I shared my exasperating playdate experience, he won't be little forever. And, the day will come before I blink my eyes, where he's going out with his friends, with no mommy-in-tow.....and I might then miss these mommy 'n me outings.

Time will tell.

Do you feel you're a patient mom? Have you had a mommy meltdown, and how did it feel?

Mommy Cliques

I was speaking with a mom friend the other day who commented on how she felt like she was back in high school, and I fully understood. Here we are, two "later" moms in our 40s, feeling like we're 16 again, wanting to be liked. Holding on to old/existing/close friendships, yet yearning to connect with other moms in our local area for playdates, lunch, etc.

We've got many years experience on the work and personal front behind us, yet now we feel like we're backpedaling in the mom friendship department.

What is that about? Has that happened to you?

Case in point....

I was at McDonald's earlier this week with Seth. We are far from regulars there, but he was craving a Happy Meal toy and loves playing in their climbing maze.

We went there for lunch, and after eating, I parked myself on a bench in the outdoor area while Seth befriended some other children and ran around, having a great time. I had brought with me a supply of magazines and my Blackberry, so I could stay plugged in to emails (yes...I'm obsessed) and catch up on some reading.

Two moms entered the play area, one of whom I knew from the neighborhood. Our children had both gone to the same nursery school, and we've had some casual encounters since at local parks. She said "hi" and proceeded to look around for a place to sit with her friend, when there were two seats on the bench beside me. For the moment, it felt as if she ideally wanted to sit somewhere else, but since other seats weren't available, she opted to join me. She was polite enough and introduced me to her friend, but my instinct told me she wasn't looking for my company. I tried not to take it personally. Afterall, it wasn't our playdate. But, it made me very conscious of the notion of mom cliques, and how great it is to have a local, fellow mom buddy to pal around with and without the kids.

Another pair of moms came into the McDonald's play area with their kids, and after they were done, one said to the other, "I'll speak with you tomorrow."

I have to admit...I felt a pang of jealousy. While I don't want for friends, and have some close ones I treasure, many don't live near me, some are single, others work so aren't readily available, etc.

It takes a lot to be in sync with someone, and making new friends is never the easiest. Especially if you are seeking relationships with some level of depth, which I've always appreciated.

I just never expected to be thinking about this at this stage in my life.

Some of the moms I've met, I've noticed, who already have a mom social circle, have children older than Seth, so they've already had the opportunity to meet through school and other outlets. And, they may also have a close family, which makes a difference too.

My friend Debbie whose two kids are older than Seth tells me that it will get easier over time, as Seth chooses his own friends. And, perhaps I can get involved with the PTA. I'm certainly open to that option.

This is not to say that I haven't met any moms whose company I enjoy. I have. And certainly, starting MotherhoodLater.com has helped. But, it takes time to cement real friendships. I would welcome more of that into my life....for both Seth and me.

My Mommy Briefcase

I originally posted this on the Working Woman blog but thought it would be fun to have here as well!

When I was single, I used to have those embarrassing moments when I'd reach into my overstuffed purse for a pen during a client meeting and out comes a slew of tampons. Now that I'm a mommy, the fallout tends to be diapers and sippy cup. Not as embarrassing but still not so professional. I've been feeling like I need a Mommy Briefcase.


Okay, I'm using the term "Mommy Briefcase" loosely. I don't know about you, but I'm not really one to carry a briefcase. I'm more into the "everything bag," a canvas or nylon sack where I just toss everything into it. Not very professional. So I decided to find an attractive bag that I could carry to client meetings that didn't look like a bag lady's accessory.


I found a great compartmentalized bag from SkipHop that could also serve the dual purpose of professional looking purse and stand-in diaper bag so I wouldn't have to carry my bag and a diaper bag whenever I had baby in tow.

The bag is great, however, I somehow manage to overstuff it just the same - the only difference now is that everything is stuffed into its own compartment.

So what do I have in my Mommy Bag? Let's see...

1. Several pens - you can never have too many pens

2. Spiral notebook - to take notes at client meetings

3. Wallet - overstuffed, mind you

4. Envelope of coupons - I hated forgetting my coupons every time I went to the store

5. Digital camera - never know when baby is going to do something cute

6. Two cell phones - one for long distance calls, one for local (don't ask)

7. Terralina lotion - my new favorite lotion, unscented

8. Bobbie Brown lip color - a lovely neutral brown shade

9. Two spare diapers - in their own compartment, mind you

10. Baggie of diaper wipes

11. Pacifier

12. Two small plastic giraffes

13. Sippy cup with water

14. Baggie with Puffins cereal

15. Rubber duck

16. Anti bacterial spray

What's in YOUR Mommy Bag?

A Life of His Own

We went to an Open House at Seth's pre-K last night, and I always find myself feeling very sentimental when I go to his school. It's like I become that much more aware of the life that Seth has outside of me and his home. His new teacher spoke highly of him, and others in the school commented on how he proudly walks into the classroom wearing his favorite firetruck polo shirt. And, how he's always smiling. And, how much he grew in height from last year....since he went to the same school.

He's becoming his own little person, and I can see a greater level of maturity in him. He's not a baby anymore (though he'll always be my little guy), and he's already made his first classmate friend. He came home with a note in his school bag recently from the teacher. It said that Seth has become friends with a boy named Nathan, and that perhaps we'd like to do a playdate after school. I was given the name/number of his mother. We spoke, and got the boys together. It was so cute to see them engage in their own dialogue, even as it relates to school...an experience that we don't share with them.

I think back to the Mommy & Me class days...and I feel like a broken record when I say this...but time truly does goes fast. While a part of me misses when Seth was little and could fit in my arms, there is a lot to be said for observing his evolution. I feel so priviledged to witness the growth of his life and to be able to make whatever contributions I can toward his development. Parenthood really is a special role, and I can see how parents look back when their children are grown and comment that their kid(s) are the best thing they ever did.