It Must Be Spring -- by Jamie

This past week, the temperature rose…not just outside, but figuratively, too. Suddenly, men from my past were popping up everywhere. A guy I know from High School who lives out of town, but has shown interest in me over the years, texted me that he’d be in New York the next day, and wanted to get together. The very same day, a man I went on a handful of dates with about four years ago, but who seems to “check in” with me every year (only to disappear again shortly thereafter), sent me an email asking how Jayda and I were doing. A few days before that, an ex of mine whom I flirt with now and then—but hadn’t heard from in awhile—sent me a flurry of texts telling me I was on his mind. None of these encounters meant much to me—other than giving me a brief ego boost and a few days of fun flirting. But I found the timing interesting. It was clearly spring…and everyone was feeling freer—and flirtier—than they had during the cold, dark winter.

The same held true at the playground. Jayda and I returned to one of our favorite parks this week for the first time in many months, and bumped into a little boy whom Jayda had played with a lot last year. Suddenly, Jayda was following the boy around like his shadow—literally chasing him—while he showed off for her by climbing the jungle gym expertly and performing silly swinging antics. I realized instantly that they were “flirting” in a simplistic, child-like way: smiling happily at each other, holding each other’s hands as they ran around, and, like a true flirt, Jayda seemed to find everything the boy said or did simply hilarious. At one point, Jayda tumbled off of the swing she’d been riding on with her belly, and burst into tears. Instantly, the boy ran over to her, pulled a “fish” he’d created at school out of construction paper and crayons out of his backpack, and presented it to Jayda to soothe her. She accepted it happily, and her waterworks stopped soon after that. She also accepted a packet of cookies which he offered to her—and even gave him a shy hug in return. Yes, spring was in the air…and as young as these three-year-olds are, it amazed me how they instinctively seemed to know how to “do the mating dance.”

Jayda’s certainly too young for a boyfriend, and right now, I personally don’t have the time to pursue one, myself. But, as I’ve stated before, we both sure do like guys. They’re nice to get attention from—and they’re lots of fun to flirt with—and now that spring is in the air, we’re both looking forward to enjoying the weather—and the good times it promises to bring with it.

Conscience Talking -- by Cara

My blog today is somewhat of an addendum to Robin’s blog from last Friday. In summary (for those who may have missed it), Robin had guests over her house, including a slightly younger boy of one of her friends. Not only did Robin’s son and her friend’s little boy run amok, they locked the adults in Robin’s newly finished basement...twice! Then the lock had to be removed from the door.

Robin posed a question to all of us Moms: When does your child realize right from wrong and if they know they are doing something wrong, when and how do you teach them to do what is right?

I decided to bring this up in today’s blog because shortly after I read Robin’s blog, I was in the kitchen with my son, making dinner, and my son was watching one of those Disney shows geared more towards the teenage crowd. But what caught both of our attention was that one of the “cool” characters evidently did not do something very nice to one of his friends, so the “cool” character’s “nerdy” friend took upon the role of “cool kid’s” conscience.

Because this was the theme of the show, and the word “conscience” was used very frequently, my son asked, “Mommy? What IS conscience?” This was a perfect opportunity to at least instill a grain of what Robin was looking to do with her own son. I waited until a commercial came on, turned the television off, and sat down with my son to try to explain what “conscience” was. I asked, “Have you ever been on the playground or playing with friends and all of a sudden one kid starts calling another kid names?” And he nodded yes. So I continued, “And I’m sure it made you feel confused inside because you didn’t want to be the only one NOT calling the kid names.” And he nodded his head. But because I know what a good person you are, when you actually did call the kid names, it didn’t make you feel very good about yourself...am I right?” And he said, “Yes.” So I explained, that is what “conscience” is. When you do or say something that you know deep down inside isn’t right. But sometimes you end up doing it anyway so that you don’t get picked on either. You end up feeling not so good about yourself. That’s what conscience is...realizing what is good and not good and trying to choose to do what is good because it will make you feel much prouder inside! You will know you chose the right thing to do! And there will be times when you know you should do the right thing, but the feeling to choose the wrong thing will be so strong that you will have a hard time NOT doing it. Then you will not feel good and proud inside. That feeling is called guilt. And guilt helps us to make the right choice the next time even though we made a wrong choice this time.”

Because in the show, the “nerdy” friend was portrayed as the “cool kid’s” conscience, my son asked, “So I have to pick a friend to be my conscience?” And I smiled and said, “No honey, the TV show is using friends as a way to show the “cool kid” how he really should be behaving. Can you see how the “cool kid” is having a hard time trying to decide if he should do the right thing or not? His “conscience” friend is really a friend we all have in our minds...in our heads. Conscience is not outside you, it is inside you and it helps to make you think about what you do before you do it. It helps you decide to do what is good so that it makes you feel good.” My son seemed to at least grasp that conscience was something in your head that controlled “good” and “bad” behavior.

Now, do I think that most of this explanation will have blown by my son like the wind? Of course. But he was asking appropriate questions, so SOME of my dissertation must have stuck with him. And he will remember at least a fraction of our conversation of “right versus wrong.” And knowing my son, out of the blue, he will remember bits and pieces of our conversation and will want me to explain again. And I will be more than willing to do so. I opened up a dialog that I hope will be ongoing. I’m certain that my son will at least REMEMBER that we had SOME kind of conversation when he is faced with a right versus wrong situation. And I would hope that he would come to me and share what happened to discuss whether he chose the correct behavior. And if he is too wracked with guilt over something he did that he REALLY regrets, I hope he comes to me so that I can explain to him that he is feeling very guilty, very sorry about what he did, and also discuss how we can make the situation right again. And that maybe next time, he should be listening a little more closely to his “conscience”.

How Does Your Garden Grow -- by Cara Meyers

Back in May, my son’s school had a Plant Sale to raise money for the PTA. I offered to volunteer at the Plant Sale that day to not only help with the sale, but to also be there when my son’s class came to buy plants. I wanted to help guide him towards plants I knew would grow well in our garden, especially considering that the amount of sunlight in certain parts of the garden was pretty minimal at best.

I took him to the shade loving plants. No interest. I took him to the flats of impatiens and petunias and suggested we plant them in containers in the sunnier parts of our yard. He barely gazed at the beautiful flowers. He was on a mission. He wanted to buy a vegetable plant. A specific vegetable plant. A tomato plant.

My heart sank. How would we be able to grow a vegetable plant that required quite a bit of sunlight in a garden that was almost pure shade? No amount of reasoning would do. He HAD to buy that tomato plant! I relented and let him buy the tomato plant. And a cucumber plant too. My heart was hurting for him knowing he would be so disappointed when his plants didn’t fair well in our shady garden. But he was beaming! He was going to grow tomatoes! And cucumbers! He could hardly contain himself! He couldn’t wait to come home from school to plant them!
I was despondent. This little boy planted his tomato and cucumber plants all by himself using a plastic sand shovel. He lugged the watering can full of water to the plants, making sure not to “drown” them. My heart was heavy knowing that his plants would most likely not make it. I would be surprised if they grew much at all.

Then came an unusually cold and extremely wet June. My son kept checking on his plants. They were not growing much. He would talk to them and water them (even though it had been raining practically every day!). He kept asking me how long it would take to get the tomatoes to grow and the cucumbers to appear. I didn’t have an answer other than, “Let’s wait and see. As the weather gets warmer, maybe the plants will grow some more.” But I wasn’t hopeful. Even the impatiens and petunias I bought and planted myself looked “leggy” and waterlogged. My heart was hurting for my little boy.

We had pretty much forgotten about the vegetable plants until a big storm blew a large tree branch onto my son’s tomato plant last week. I couldn’t believe my eyes! This plant was not a plant anymore, it was a huge bush! And once my husband and I staked it up, we saw about a dozen bright red, cherry tomatoes! I wanted to jump up and down! My son would be so delighted when he came home from camp!

When he arrived home, I walked him over to the tomato “bush.” He saw the tomatoes and ran to get a container to collect them! He delicately picked all the ripe ones in the front, but in trying to reach the ones in the back, I had to move a cucumber leaf. There, staring up at us was this beautiful, perfect green cucumber, ready to be picked! I was astonished! Under the worst conditions, the vegetables still grew! And all my son could say was, “See Mommy! They grew! You just have to know how to take care of them!” It made me think of how well I was faring as a parent. Even under some of the worst conditions, my child thrives. Even when I least expect it, he flourishes. All I could think of was how true he was...how true he was!