Valentine's Day & A High School State of Mind

It's Valentine's Day.

What do you have on tap?

My husband is working today....tax season....and then we have errands to run later.

So, it's me and Seth hangin' at the moment...and he's being very good company today. Often he can get a bit naggy asking me incessantly, "what are we doing today?" But, today isn't one of those days, thankfully.

What would I be doing to celebrate Valentines' Day if I were single, I've been thinking? (Not that I wish I was.) Would I feel like I should have a date? (probably...knowing me) Would I feel like I should be going to a party and socialize? (probably...knowing me) Would I decide to get a massage? (probably not....though I should) I strongly believe that we should, as best we can, do what feels good.

I had lunch with a gal from high school yesterday who I haven't seen in years. We've been loosely in touch via email, but getting together was nice. It was different in person. Email is not the same. A positive trip down memory lane. I think back on high school with fond memories.

Hard to believe it's like 30 years later. And, interesting, how as women, we can immediately find a way to reconnect. Before I knew it, we were talking about hormones, etc. Exchanging health tips, etc. If felt good, and reminded me of who I was a long time ago before I became a mom. I wasn't one of those gals who from a very young age aspired to parent. And, this particular friend of mine, isn't married and has no desire to have children. She had an autistic brother growing up who she cared for quite a lot....and now she works as a visiting nurse.....so she doesn't wish to play caretaker to a child. I could totally understand and applauded her for being true to herself, and making the decision that feels right to her. That is so important!

When she was in high school...did she think she'd marry?

Did I think I'd marry?

Did kids come into either of our minds? (not me)

I enjoyed being my own person. And, while I lived at home, I had a close bunch of male and female pals that got together regularly. I had always relished being with groups of people. I do miss that these days. Everyone is so busy, except when you see them at a kids party. And, then, we all return to our rapidfire lives of responsibility.

I was reading the sad story of the airplane crash this week in Buffalo, NY. One of the deceased was a woman who lost her husband on 9.11 and had become an activist for the families involved, working with government to try to make the world a safer place, etc. In an article about it, it discussed how she and her late husband had been high school sweethearts. I thought that was so endearing. And, bittersweet. Life is so inpredictable. She just passed away in her 50s, and I'm sure when she was a high school student, the last thing she would have ever imagined is that both she and her husband would each die tragically and as violently as they did....and not make it to old age.

We so need to appreciate today and live fully and happily. I, personally, wish I could preserve some of the carefree mindset I had in high school.

How about you? Do you ever think back to high school? What did you envision for your life? Are you living what you had hoped for or expected? How does it feel? What would you want for your child/children when they're in high school, given what you know as you look back on your own life?

Feel free to share.

Mommy Cliques

I was speaking with a mom friend the other day who commented on how she felt like she was back in high school, and I fully understood. Here we are, two "later" moms in our 40s, feeling like we're 16 again, wanting to be liked. Holding on to old/existing/close friendships, yet yearning to connect with other moms in our local area for playdates, lunch, etc.

We've got many years experience on the work and personal front behind us, yet now we feel like we're backpedaling in the mom friendship department.

What is that about? Has that happened to you?

Case in point....

I was at McDonald's earlier this week with Seth. We are far from regulars there, but he was craving a Happy Meal toy and loves playing in their climbing maze.

We went there for lunch, and after eating, I parked myself on a bench in the outdoor area while Seth befriended some other children and ran around, having a great time. I had brought with me a supply of magazines and my Blackberry, so I could stay plugged in to emails (yes...I'm obsessed) and catch up on some reading.

Two moms entered the play area, one of whom I knew from the neighborhood. Our children had both gone to the same nursery school, and we've had some casual encounters since at local parks. She said "hi" and proceeded to look around for a place to sit with her friend, when there were two seats on the bench beside me. For the moment, it felt as if she ideally wanted to sit somewhere else, but since other seats weren't available, she opted to join me. She was polite enough and introduced me to her friend, but my instinct told me she wasn't looking for my company. I tried not to take it personally. Afterall, it wasn't our playdate. But, it made me very conscious of the notion of mom cliques, and how great it is to have a local, fellow mom buddy to pal around with and without the kids.

Another pair of moms came into the McDonald's play area with their kids, and after they were done, one said to the other, "I'll speak with you tomorrow."

I have to admit...I felt a pang of jealousy. While I don't want for friends, and have some close ones I treasure, many don't live near me, some are single, others work so aren't readily available, etc.

It takes a lot to be in sync with someone, and making new friends is never the easiest. Especially if you are seeking relationships with some level of depth, which I've always appreciated.

I just never expected to be thinking about this at this stage in my life.

Some of the moms I've met, I've noticed, who already have a mom social circle, have children older than Seth, so they've already had the opportunity to meet through school and other outlets. And, they may also have a close family, which makes a difference too.

My friend Debbie whose two kids are older than Seth tells me that it will get easier over time, as Seth chooses his own friends. And, perhaps I can get involved with the PTA. I'm certainly open to that option.

This is not to say that I haven't met any moms whose company I enjoy. I have. And certainly, starting MotherhoodLater.com has helped. But, it takes time to cement real friendships. I would welcome more of that into my life....for both Seth and me.