GUEST BLOG POST: Across Generations - Growing Up with Later Parents -- by Darren Manley

The week she was going to leave for a dream vacation to Europe is the week my mother discovered she was three months pregnant. It was January of 1984; she was 44 years old and married two years. Coming home from the doctor, she was – along with my 57-year old dad – more than a little surprised by the boy who had taken up residence inside her, especially as she had thought she was going through the Change of Life at the time and would not be able to conceive.

The doctors were quite surprised, too. My parents hadn’t tried to conceive before marriage, and once they were married, they were open to the idea of having a child, but didn’t think it would happen at Mom's age.

In the mid-1980s, Mom didn’t have the support, knowledge, and expert care that later parents today have. With the average ages of marriage and parenting gradually climbing, our understanding of the needs later parents have is increasing. The important decision to conceive or adopt is leavened by the comfort this understanding provides. But there is another element the later parent has that no knowledge or statistic can give, and it’s the one my mother drew on most: faith.

It was a magnanimous faith that her generation exemplified, and she would exercise it so often in the months and years ahead, just as many later moms do. Instead of cruising the world, she decided to take the more meaningful, lasting journey into motherhood, and she believed in herself through all the difficult, fun, and just plain humorous moments that parenting provides. Mom’s faith was specific to her generation, yet also universal – it is displayed every time a parent decides that age and generation will have no say in the love she has for her children.

Growing up with older parents was a different experience for me in a world that values youth so fiercely. But as a young adult, I came to see that what I once thought were negatives were actually positives. In sacrificing their retirement to care for me, Mom and Dad used another of their gifts as later parents – the gift of perspective. They had seen so much of the world and endured so many of its changes that the inevitable ups and downs of parenting seemed almost natural to them. While they got caught up in the day-to-day, as all first-time parents do, they were also able to draw upon their many life experiences and look to the future in a way their counterparts just couldn’t. This perspective was, in many ways, passed down to me as I learned about life from a father who had once eaten five-cent candy bars and a mother whose earliest memories included Harry Truman coming from behind to defeat Thomas Dewey in 1948.

Growing up with later parents, at its core, gave me a heightened appreciation for the important things in life – faith, family, honesty, and old-fashioned respect. And later parents, regardless of generation, seem to know innately what is important, starting with the opportunity to be a parent and instill their values in the children they love so much.

At my regular blog (http://www.growingupold.com/), I often hear from later parents who wonder how their children will view them as young adults. They find my thoughts – at 25 years of age – comforting (and, hopefully, encouraging). I think that this infuses my words with a purpose, beyond simply writing about my childhood. While my immediate goal is to tell our story, I have also begun to take pride in showing later parents that age is one of the greatest advantages they could ever have. Today, with my mother 69 and my father 82, we laugh and cry when we talk about my journey of “growing up old,” and I know in my heart that they would take it with me all over again.