What Goes Around Comes Around: Sending Sick Kids to School -- by Jamie

Last week, after a perfectly normal Thursday, I put Jayda to bed, only to have her wake me up at 2:30 a.m. saying, “Mommy, something’s not right.” I touched her forehead, and it was burning hot. After taking her temperature and discovering it was 102.6, I dosed her with Tylenol and insisted she put a cold cloth on her head while I held her in my arms. Always the drama-queen, Jayda then started moaning, “I sick, mommy…I sick.” “I know, baby,” I murmured, “Mommy’s here…and I’ll take you to the doctor first-thing in the morning.”

“I don’t want to go to the doctor!” Jayda snapped back. “I want to play!” And she jumped out of bed and proceeded to do just that…for two hours. Some fever. After dozing on and off, myself, until 4:30 a.m., I finally coaxed Jayda back into bed with me, and she fell asleep in my arms. At 6:30 a.m., I woke up and felt her forehead, and it was cool as a cucumber. The thermometer confirmed this, displaying 98.6 degrees. And yet, despite Jayda’s protestations, as well as the big pile of writing projects waiting for me on my desk, I took Jayda to the doctor at 9 a.m. He couldn’t find anything wrong with her—even swabbed her negatively for strep throat when I told him it was rampant at Jayda’s day care—and surmised that it must have been a virus, or even a minor strain of the flu that had only lasted for a few hours because Jayda had been immunized. Jayda’s exam was over by 9:30, so I had to ask: “Can I send her to school today?” The doctor looked at me sternly and said, “That’s not a medical question—it’s a social question. She IS fine…but she obviously caught whatever she had last night from someone at school. Do you really want someone else to catch it from her?” And so, I took Jayda home with me—a very healthy, incredibly hyper Jayda—with the realization that all the work I’d planned to do that day because I wouldn’t be able to do it on Monday (when Jayda would be home with me for Martin Luther King Day) would have to get done after Jayda’s bedtime. And an already-exhausted mommy would have to spend her entire day entertaining a tireless kid. Sometimes having a conscience sucks.

Last week, we had a play date with a friend whose 2-1/2-year-old son has never been in day care; my friend’s mom watches her little boy while she and her husband work full-time. However, my friend called me an hour before we were supposed to meet to give me a heads-up that her son had a runny nose. I laughed. Well, of course I also thanked her for her sensitivity (it’s always nice to know I have thoughtful friends), but then I informed her that as long as her child didn’t have a fever or a contagious disease, I had no problem with my child playing with him in a public place (as was our plan). These days I don’t even blink an eye at runny noses, coughs, and colds, as they’ve been a part of our daily lives ever since Jayda started day care at 3-1/2 months.

Jayda has a constant flurry of colds all winter long; if I kept her home from day care every time she had one, half of my tuition would be wasted. And while personally having a cold can make me pretty darn miserable, having one doesn’t seem to slow my kid down much. She won’t nap. She won’t rest. And she certainly won’t go to bed early. If anything, she just requires even more attention from me than ever, and, if I dare ask how she’s feeling, she only plays on my sympathies (Jayda: “Mommy, I sick! I need a special treat to feel better.” Me: “Oh, poor baby. What kind of special treat, honey?” Jayda: “M&Ms, Mommy. Lots of them.”) So while on occasion I wonder, “Should I keep Jayda home today?” when she seems especially congested, I generally wind up sending her to day care in the end, because I figure she’ll be happier there…and, let’s face it, so will I.

But is that fair? Is it the right thing to do? I can’t say for sure. But it is my reality. It’s tough keeping a kid home from school when you have other obligations—no matter what your circumstances are. So I’ve given myself some slack in regards to minor sniffles and colds. But fevers and flus and infectious diseases? Never. The kid who gave Jayda her mysterious fever should never have been at day care—and the parent who sent the child there should be ashamed (if the child was exhibiting symptoms, that is). I bitched and moaned for days about staying home with Jayda on Friday, and it took me three weekend nights to finish the work I’d hoped to do on her sick day, but I know I did the right thing—even if Jayda never seemed the slightest bit sick. And Jayda certainly didn’t mind having an extra day at home with her Mommy…or an extra helping of “feel better” M&Ms.

Sweet Mommy & Me Time -- by Robin

I just have to share...Seth lost his two front baby teeth....and it's a precious sight. He would kill me if I posted a current photo of him here...but trust me....his toothless grin is one that I'm trying my best to capture and preserve for posterity. I took a ton of photos when he was in the bath earlier this week. Surprisingly, he cooperated and grinned from ear to ear. He has always, for the most part, embraced the camera and looks great in photos (we've been told he could model), but every now 'n then he gets into a mood and bans picture taking of any kind.

This week was parent teacher meetings, so he had half a day before Thanksgiving. (We meet with his teachers next week.) I didn't make any particular plans for us, other than knowing I planned to take him to buy ice skates. He's been on the ice three times thus far (once for a lesson) in the last two weeks , and is totally in his element there. I must confess, I personally much prefer sitting by the fireplace outside the rink with a good book. So, if my husband and I take him, I dart back 'n forth between the rink and cozy sitting place. I'm torn because I want to watch Seth make skating strides, yet the chill combined with lack of seating isn't my thing.

In the past I have stressed a bit knowing Seth is off from school....feeling the need to make plans to keep him busy. ..whether I schedule a playdate or something else. This time, I just let it go, and the end result was a nice one. Seth was quite content for a long time to play in the house, and he was excited in the skate store to watch the owner sharpen the skate blades. (Seth has always been very mechanical.) After that, we did a couple of errands...and he picked out a cute Hanukkah gift at Rite Aide for one of his cousins. I was very touched that he thought of her. He's a big-hearted kid.

He was happy when I agreed to take him to the local pizza place for dinner. And, afterwards (my husband worked late), we watched a movie on cable together. It was really a pleasant afternoon, and Seth was good company. I treasure times like this.

He wasn't ansi and asking, as he sometimes does over 'n over again, what are we doing? And, I wasn't anxious about needing to respond in a strategic fashion. I'm not a mom who overschedules her child. I think downtime is important...you have to know your child. But, that said, Seth often likes to be on the go, so balance becomes essential. And, I can't always anticipate the mood he'll be in in terms of wanting to be home to play or not.

I'm just grateful that on this given day, we had really nice mommy & me time, and if I can look forward to that on his other upcoming days off, our time together will be all sweeter.

Hope you & your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed the time off together!!

Playdate Etiquette for Moms? by Cara Meyers

My son is a very social child. I love the fact that he is social. First because he makes a friend or two just about everywhere we go, which keeps him entertained. Second, because it forces me to come out of my shell and drum up casual conversation with other Moms, which sometimes even lead to friendships for both of us.

But what do you do when your son has found his “new best friend” and you know in your heart that you just don’t “click” with that child’s Mom. What type of “etiquette” is warranted in situations like this? And where and how do you draw the line so that your child can still have playdates with his friend, while minimizing contact with the Mom in question?

I must say, my son has many friends, and I honestly enjoy the company of his friend’s Moms while we supervise their playdate. But my son has a new friend he adores; a polite, kind, happy child who gets along with my son beautifully. His Mom, on the other hand, is quite another story. I have to admit that I cringe when she suggests we all go somewhere for an outing or a special playdate. It’s not that she isn’t a nice person, we just doesn’t “click.” We share different philosophies about parenting, she comes from a completely different ethnic culture, which I normally would relish learning more about, but she makes assumptions that her ethnic culture is somewhat superior to all others. She is rather close-minded and frequently dominates our conversations. I feel belittled and exhausted from trying to be diplomatic throughout listening to her dissertations. I wish Miss Manners had a suggestion for how to handle the etiquette of such a situation.

My first approach, since my son’s friend lives only blocks away, was to have his Mom drop my son’s friend off at our home for a few hours to play. So the house turned into a tornado. Better that than two hours of listening to unsolicited opinions I have no interest in. Even better is when this Mom reciprocates and invites my son over to her home! A couple hours of peace and I make sure that my son cleans up before he leaves her home.

Still, I get those calls,”The boys are off next week, how about taking them to the farm?” Or, “If you have some free time over the weekend, let’s go for lunch and then see a movie with the boys?” What makes this worse is that this Mom usually presents the idea to her son who relates it to my son before I even get the call. Then I look like “Mommy Meanest” to my child if I don’t relent. And relent I do. Because my son is so incredibly happy with his “best friend.”

I’ve even tried the rude cell phone approach: Call someone and have a lengthy conversation while our children are playing. Or texting my husband so that I only have to HALF pay attention to this Mom. Still, she drones on and on about nothingness. I swear, I want to go home and take a nap after these playdates!

So, what WOULD Miss Manners do under these types of circumstances? Well, I consulted the 17th Edition of “Etiquette,” written by Emily Post’s granddaughter, Peggy Post.
Here she says, “The lesson here is to kill ‘em with kindness. By keeping your cool, you’re teaching by example, such as a parent does for a child.” So, I guess what I am really doing is supervising a playdate of THREE children. And I have to teach all of them by my example of staying levelheaded and remaining calm yet kind. Is this what Miss Manners would REALLY do? What do you think? And how would YOU handle this type of situation?

NOTE: Cara is wearing an exclusive t-shirt design available for sale in the Shop on http://www.motherhoodlater.com.

Back-to-School Makes Parents Want to Sing! by Cara Meyers

Many of you may remember the Staples commercial several years back. It showed a man riding on a shopping cart, tossing school supplies for his children into the cart, as the cart flew down the isles. In the background of the commercial, the holiday song, “It’s the MOST wonderful time of the year!,” was playing and this man’s face was filled with glee with his children scowling as they shuffled behind him! I don’t even think I had a child at that time, but that commercial stuck with me and now resonates with me since my son is going back to school, entering first grade today!
I have also been hearing about and seeing internet postings of some of the most bizarre school supply requests you could possibly imagine! (Contac Brand CLEAR contact paper anyone?). So I just had to write my own silly version of a different holiday song, tying the remembrance of the Staples commercial in with some of the most incomprehensible school supply lists I have seen!

In honor of all the parents who are sending their children back to school today and are actually thankful that school is back in session, I have taken the liberty to modify a different holiday song. I dedicate it to my son, who is returning back to school today too.
(To be sung to the tune of “A Partridge in a Pear Tree):

Before the first day back to school, my teacher sent to me,
a letter with supplies I’d need:

12 #2 sharpened pencils, (Dixon brand; please sharpen at home EACH DAY)
11 pens for writing (Bic brand suggested, blue, black, red and green)
10 colored markers (in original colors only, please)
9 sticky glue sticks (30 gm size only)
8 spiral notebooks (8 mm ruled, 70-100 sheets each)
7 sets of crayons (only Crayola brand!)
6 EXPO dry erase chisel tip markers (Low odor/darker colors)
5 DIFFERENT COLOR 2 POCKET FOLDERS!
4 erasers (Sanford Magic Rub brand only, in white)
3 bottles of glue (Elmer’s ONLY, 4 oz., no larger)
2 art smocks (made from cutting up 2 of Daddy’s button-down shirts - sorry Daddy!)
and
ONE BIG BULGING BACKPACK!!

So, to my son, I say, I love you and enjoy your first day back! And to all of the other children starting back to school today, have a great first day of school! I know I will!

Back to School -- by Cara Meyers

I always loved the “newness” and anticipation of going back to school when I was young! Fresh, crisp notebooks! Perfectly sharpened pencils! New pens and pencil cases! Even the annual shopping trip for my new school “wardrobe” excited me! That is until I realized that it would be 85 degrees the first day of school and I wouldn’t be able to wear that perfect pink and burgundy wool dress with the pretty ruffles, matching tights and coordinating shoes!

But the anticipation of the new school year is no longer the same for many children and many families. Yes, a trip to Staples can not only prepare you with eighteen types of different highlighters, 6 types of rulers, every type of pen, pencil, crayon, marker, and dry erase implement manufactured. For many children, though, the new school year will bring stress.

Almost an insurmountable amount of stress.

More and more school systems are trying so hard to improve their national “ranking” that I truly feel that the individual student becomes morphed into part of a statistic. And to make matters worse, there is increasing evidence that public schools, in general, are becoming, to a greater extent, geared towards girls. Rough and tumble is sadly discouraged in the classrooms. Even as early as Kindergarten, children are expected to read and write almost fluently. And two hours of homework is almost the “norm.”

Interestingly, more books are being written about how and why boys are not meeting the “standards” set by their schools. At my bedside I have books titled, “Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men”; “The Trouble with Boys”; “When Labels Don’t Fit”; “Raising Cain.” Why is all of this emphasis on boys? And why is it that these books suggest that either boys must conform to the rigidity of their school system, not conform and risk failing out of school, or try to reach that one teacher in probably a thousand who is willing to go the extra mile and try to pull the male students back into the curriculum through innovative techniques?

Let’s face it, school curriculums are now designed for girls. Girls who will sit still and take notes and disrupt less. Girls who are more attentive. Girls who have the ability to sit for greater lengths of time. In the 1970s, more than 60% of boys were the ones going off to college. Today, 70% are girls. What is this telling us about how our national school system regards boys?
I’m not looking forward to the start of school this year. I have a son who will be entering first grade. He will need special speech and language services to help him get through the year, but will that be enough? Will he still be falling through the cracks even though he is as smart as a whip in his knowledge of science and math? I don’t know. What I do know is that I will be working very hard as his advocate. Going to meetings, playing phone tag with people who see my son simply as part of a “statistic.” And making darn sure that he gets all that he deserves to prove he can be the bright, vibrant, successful individual I know he will be! But first the start of a new school year. New backpack, new folder, markers, pencils, pencil case... sans the excitement I once enjoyed and embraced.

School Approaching - by Robin

Where does the time go?

School will be here before you know it, and it's first grade for Seth.

Everyone says it's much more demanding than kindergarten. That remains to be seen. I'm crossing my fingers the homework isn't daunting.

It's been so nice having him come home from camp and just being able to chill. Some of the biggest challenges were creating a funky hairstyle for him for Wacky Wednesday and picking clothes in black 'n red for checkerboard day.

The whole after school homework thing is such a challenge for everyone.

And, now we're giving thought to after school activities.

There is no after class program for first graders at the school. So, two days we have enrolled him in a dropoff program similar to day care. But, what about the other days? Should we consider Hebrew School? (He has no interest in that.)

Two other mom friends have broached the subject of martial arts.

Another mentioned tennis.

How much and what to do? And, all this taking into consideration the demands of school itself.

We're not rushing into signing him up for anything as yet, but I do feel like I'd like to have a potential gameplan in mind.

I don't want to be one of those overscheduling moms. Kids need ample time to chill. But, it's tempting to sign them up for programs that seem cool, especially if their friends are doing it. I don't buy into the whole "keeping up with the Jones parenting thing," but it is easy to be influenced.

So, as I call up karate places, kids gyms, synagogues, etc. , we'll see what jumps out at us and Seth. If he had his way, he'd be happy staying home and watching Sponge Bob for hours after doing homework.

The Day Camp Dilemma -- by Cara Meyers

One would think, especially a Mom, that day camp for their grade school age child would be easy street on roller blades. First off, your child is out of the home for at least an amount of time equivalent to a full day of school, if not more. Secondly, the day camp experience certainly will wear your child out, what with swimming, sports-type games and general play activities. Then how come some Moms come to dread the end of the day from camp?

Could it be that the damp backpack must first be unloaded, even though you provided your child with ample gallon-size plastic bags and plastic grocery bags to but their wet things in? The bags are usually at the bottom of said wet backpack with ignored sunscreen.

Then there is the precious camp t-shirt. That ONE t-shirt. That must be clean. And dry. Each day of camp. Which means, of course, one of two things: If the t-shirt does not have any visible stains, you can always get away with trying to just hang it up, hoping it dries sufficiently by morning. Or, as is in my case, because I have a boy, and boys are, um, dirty, you must wash the t-shirt each evening. And why wash just one t-shirt when you can throw in the bathing suits, towel, and other miscellaneous laundry lying around that happen to be the same color. So now we are doing laundry at least 5 nights a week.

Next there is the preparation of getting the following day’s camp wear assembled for the next day. Does the following day start with swimming, which would require having your child wear his swim wear to camp while packing dry shorts and the camp t-shirt to change into later on? Or will there be sports activities, necessitating the wearing of shorts and camp t-shirt, while the packing of swim wear for the afternoon instead. And don’t ever forget to pack the water shoes! A mother always knows to have at least two pair, so that while one dries out, the other can be packed for the following day. The same usually goes with sneakers. If one pair gets wet, you have the spare set.

So, obviously, paying attention to the daily camp schedule is of utmost importance. As are the daily activities themselves. Is it “Tie-dye Day?” Then a clean, previously washed white t-shirt will need to be packed. Is it pizza day? Then your child will need to bring in $7. And what if all you have in your wallet are $10s and $20s? Will you be able to get change back? Will you have to send in a $5 you found in your husband’s back pocket and some quarters?

And if it is not pizza day, there is the dreaded packing of a cold lunch that must withstand the heat of a summer day. One counselor suggested freezing a bottle of water to keep the contents of the lunch tote cold. Well, that idea turned my son’s lunch into a complete soggy mess, even with every item sealed in plastic bags. The water also didn’t defrost fast enough, so my son got a couple sips from the bottle and left it in the tote to melt the rest of the day. I had to pour out the contents of the tote over the sink. It was flooded.

So why is it that we Moms look forward to summer and the day camp experience for our children? The only reasonable reason I seem to have been able to come up with?
No homework.


Next Week: My husband has decided to take the Day Camp Dilemma challenge and see whether he can do a better job at preparing my son for Day Camp each day. The results will be the topic of next week’s blog.

Snow Day

I was totally unprepared for today.

I live in New York and had heard the forecasts re: the impending snow storm.

I ran all over town yesterday doing errands....the drug store...bank....supermarket, etc., so we'd be well stocked with necessities, mostly for Seth.

Then the phone rang at 6AM this morning. I jumped out of my skin because I don't wake up that early, and we don't get calls that early, so I thought G-d forbid, had something happened to my senior dad, or my mother-in-law, who broke her wrist just a week ago?

Luckily, neither was the case. It was a recorded message from the school district announcing that today was a snow day and that the children would not be attending kindergarten. It hadn't started snowing at that point, but this was in anticipation of what was to come.

So...now what? I thought. I didn't plan any at-home activities for Seth and I. And, I wasn't about to go driving around in the snow. I'm not comfortable with that. They never plow the streets well or quickly in my neighborhood.

So, what to do with a busy 5 year old boy who every 5 minutes asks, "What are we doing today?"

Out came the gingerbread mix that had been sitting in the pantry.

We baked a gingerbread man and made a house. Ok...they both came out looking like pancakes, but it was the effort that counted.

We later made popcorn and watched a DVD.

Seth shoveled outside twice. So, we had two changes of clothing, and outerwear, since he was getting soaked each time.

In between, I hustled to do work, answer emails, tape a radio interview, etc. All the while, watching Seth closely out the window and applauding his shoveling efforts.

Finally, as he continued to climb the walls back inside, we gave in, and allowed him to open his Hanukkah present from grandpa early. It was a Black 'n Decker kids tool station. I'm not sure what Seth loved more. Playing with the tools, or installing the batteries to get it in working order. He's such a boy!

Before you knew it, time passed, as it always does so quickly. Marc came home from work, we ate dinner, and now they're both outside shoveling, as I quickly write this blog post.

All in all, today was a nice bonding day with Seth. But, I must admit, next time I suspect that a snow day might be in store, I'm going to try to do some advanced activity planning, as best I can.

GOING ON TWO WEEKS NANNYLESS

My nanny left two weeks ago, and I've been counting the days, for better or worse.

I was spoiled, I admit it. We've had a nanny since Seth was born, and now I'm in a bit of culture shock. Me...do laundry? Me....cook? Me...make the beds?

But, really, it's for the best. It, sadly, ended in a more dramatic fashion that I ever would have imagined. And, it wasn't planned. But, it was a long time in the coming.

Our nanny wasn't well suited to Seth anymore. She is wonderful with babies who she can love and care for. But, for a busy five year old, he's more than she could handle on a daily basis. And, I understand. I'm 48 and peri-menopausal. Some days he knocks me out too, but he's my son...it's not a job I get paid to do.

We've all been adjusting. I feel like I'm racing the clock more these days since I have no flexibility with my schedule as I did before, since she was live-in.

But, we've decided to enroll Seth in an after school program for two days, starting today. I'm crossing my fingers that he'll like it. I feel like it's a good thing. More social time for him with peers. Also, probably, more exposure to germs, from what I hear...but hopefully his immune system can withstand it.

Part of me feels a bit guilty for putting him in a program after school because he won't get home until after 6PM now...a longer day than he's had. And, then we'll have homework. But, the other part of me is relieved that I have a greater chunk of time to get things done, and to hit the gym at 5pm, at least on Mondays, as I was used to. I've always been a night person and like to be out after dark.

Unfortunately, these days, my son is becoming a night person too, in that he doesn't want to sleep. He's seen monsters on 'n off since the nanny left. My guess is that he's feeling the loss and he's having nightmares. It's tough and sad. So, we've been reassuring him that mommy and daddy aren't going anywhere, in an effort to build back up his security. At his young age, he can't articulate all that he feels, so it's manifesting in restless nights.

I'm happy there's alot less tension in the house without our nanny. At times it felt like I had two children since they would disagree. He always loved her, but didn't learn to respect her since she never disciplined him. She always just wanted to be loved.

So, I wish our nanny well, and I know that we'll all get used to the new situation. Letting go is part of growth, and we're working on that a lot in my house these days.